Finally I have some time to sit down and blog. Life is simply too busy for us to talk about it.
Anyhow, I meant to talk about the worship session I led at Mission Conference last Friday. At first I took this job on behalf of Nissi Fellowship. With the small number of fellowshippers, of course we had to recruit "foreign aids". I intended to find people from different congregation for the goodness of unity among the church, and for the multiple languages the conference is conducted in. The recruitment was hard, but I did manage to find people who are related to the English congregation (I am from Cantonese).
Anyhow, the practice was fine in general even though we never practiced with absolute full attendance. People were quick at learning which made my job easier. The powerpoint panel was a little worrisome though because they were not used to my improvisational style of worship leading, and so I needed to tell them in the last minute where I could be changing the sequence and such. Anyhow, I was going to yell out the beginnings of each section anyways so they said they would listen.
So we were the opening. Not anyone would have expected - the powerpoint froze right when the first slide was shown. Of course I couldn't stop and say we had to wait for the powerpoint to be fixed since the worship had already started! So what I did was I yelled out the next sentence of the lyrics while the congregation was singing the one before. Not everyone could follow, and I had a hard time spitting out the lyrics quickly and accurately as well, but the ambience was still fine. After the third verse the powerpoint was back on again (and it was after two times of rebooting), so we were back to our "normal sequence". Although, I felt the congregation wasn't yet ready to move onto the second song, so I elaborated on the first song (Holy, Holy, Holy) a bit.
The second song, "Here I Am to Worship", went fine. Everyone sang their hearts out. I was so moved myself as well so I stayed on this song for a while. I must give A LOT OF credits to the instrumentalists for their tremendous sensitivity - I did not give a significant signal as to how the music should go as I looped the chorus of the song, but they actually followed the dynamics of my voice, which was gradually softening! Wow, I was thrilled when I heard that!
By the third song (Send Me Lord), however, the powerpoint did not work again. I panicked since we still had another song to go after this, and the congregation hardly knew this and the next song! It took me a while to figure out what to do since (1) I could not continue on under this situation; (2) I need to find some way to wrap up. I finally made up something to say, and cut off the last song entirely. Bravo to my interpreter since she wasn't expecting this sudden translation.
So people suspected there was a virus to the computer at the control panel. Just before we started the conference, one of the technical people pulled out his laptop for emergency purposes. But of course, he didn't set it up "properly" since he was not expecting cases like this one (ironically, it happened!). The church did have a second computer, but by the time they brought it out, I cut off the worship already, which left them confused too. If I knew there was a second computer, I probably would have asked them to set it up too, but I didn't so that was too bad.
I interpret this situation as an attack from Satan. He was jealous about our unity in worship, so he was trying to do something to destroy it. Of course, he didn't succeed. I could see people were worshipping wholeheartedly, and many people came up to me afterwards showing their appreciations. So the power of the Lord once again reigned supreme!
Many thanks to the worship team and the technical team. And of course, glory and honour be to God ... ALWAYS and FOREVER!!!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Feelings of Being A Master's Graduate
So I haven't really talked about my feelings upon being graduated from my master's degree. Here I am blabbing about it.
I must say these past two years have probably been the toughest of the 24 years I have lived thus far, but definitely the happiest for as long as I can remember.
Tough because this is the first time I move out from my home to pursue education. Before I do not have to worry about any expenses including necessities, groceries, phone bills, rents, tuitions, and other chores like laundry (occasionally I do have to worry about it), dishes or cooking since my parents would have taken care of all of the above for me. I am granted allowance; if I run short on money, I can ask them for it (usually I don't have to ask). All the money I earn goes into my pocket. Other than packing my own lunch I do not have to think about what to eat since every morning when I get up my dad would have breakfast prepared for me. Likewise, when I go home from school, my mom would have dinner ready as well. All I have to do is schoolwork, some private teaching and church ministries. My parents do encourage working part-time though, so I guess I am not completely spoiled for I have worked in various places.
However, when I live alone, things are completely different. School, work and church are not the only matters in my life anymore. I have to squeeze time to do my laundry, dishes and necessities shopping, even if that means I have to do it in the most obscure time of the day (i.e. doing laundry at midnight while everyone is zzz...). I have to watch my expenses. Even though I have scholarships and student loans and stuff, the money that I have is barely enough for all my expenses including rents, tuitions, books, percussion supplies, necessities and such. I dare not asking my parents for money since they work hard to support themselves financially and I do not wish to add onto their burden. I remember I often would stand between aisles in Safeway comparing which brands of ham is the cheapest yet still nutritious. I also find ways to prevent paying extra money for my cell phone. My friends and I would discuss where to find cheap yet sustainable clothes. Isn't that hilarious?
Transportation is also a big issue. I have my own car in Calgary. When my brother needs it, I still have my dad who would be more than willing to drive me around. But in Vancouver, I have to bus around almost all the time. I bus to church, and I bus to performance/rehearsal places (sometimes it takes more than an hour to get to those places, and I had to carry a backpack full of mallets and small instruments). Good thing some of my friends would give me a lift every once in a while so I can make better use of my time. But they are not always available ... I must say.
---
Tough, because music always requires hard-work. Hard-core practicing (on many instruments for percussionists too), hard-core rehearsals, hard-core researching ... there is an unending list. Good thing I am a performance major, so I only have to write limited number of papers. But I remember when I wrote my paper for the research technique class, I spent about 24 hours altogether flipping through more than 100 books to find at least 20 resources that would be suitable for my research. For a person who does not write a lot of papers, that was a pain.
Hard-core practicing - definitely. When I was preparing for the VSO timpani audition, I would go to the practice room at 7am or stay until 1am (of course, that does happen too often, and I had classes and other stuff in between) to practice my excerpts. When I prepared for my recital, I would practice for 8 hours a day because of the many number instruments we have to play. Meanwhile, I sacrificed a lot of my friend-bonding time and minimized my involvement at church. Since I was so devoted to my preparation, I almost neglected all other aspects of my living such laundry, dishes and cleaning up my room. For about two months, there was almost not a clear path in my room to walk on. Speaking of recital preparation, not only I have to practice to be able to play the pieces, I also have to do a lot of supplementary things to make the pieces playable. If you read the entry on my recital, I mentioned how I had to build a rack myself to hold the instruments and such.
Hard-core rehearsals ... music often requires collaborative work, percussion is no exception. Occasionally during the term I would have more than 10 rehearsals during the week, no matter it's for school courses or recital pieces. It wasn't the rehearsals themeselves that caused a problem, but time arrangements, space accommodation and schlepping! Drive me nuts when I had to deal with them!
---
Tough because I faced some big crisis through these two years. Family loss first of all. Praise God that grandpa accepted Christ before he passed away though. The other crisis was one of my friends betrayed my friendship to pursue a guy. I have not mentioned this case that publicly, but anyhow, everything is history and so I should not be shy about it.
---
I said at the beginning that these past years have been the happiest, and indeed they are. Through these years I have developed independence, rediscovered my lost self and better defined myself, found the true joy of playing great music, and known a bunch of wonderful friends. Better still, I enhanced tremendously my intimate relationship with God. These are all happy things, aren't they?
Because of my broken romantic relationship previously, I almost lost myself. I did not know what I was doing. All I have done, I have done it to impress my ex-boyfriend. Not that I received anything in return. After stepping out of this relationship by moving to another city, I actually start finding out who I truly am. And by living independently and being reflective (for I'm often alone), I know better of myself too.
I usually practice for fulfilling my duties. This master's degree truly makes me recognize the underlying motivation of practicing - which is to produce good music. When I can actually accomplish something, I actually feel joyful about it. Praise the Lord!
(I'm getting sleepy so I'm starting to rush through things here.)
And for my relationship with God ... hai~ my previous romance ruined my relationship with God somewhat. I served a lot in church (thank God I'm still allowed to serve despite my immorality), but when I stepped out of church I was not testifying Him. I actually had to deny Him in front of my ex-boyfriend. What a shame! Anyhow, I experienced more and more of God's grace as I redefined my relationship with Him. When I'm down, He raises me up. When I'm sad, He comforts me through His Words (read Psalm!). When I fall short on something, He provides. Isn't He amazing?
In a word, this journey of master's degree is amazing. I'm really happy to have completed yet another chapter in my life, and I'll for sure miss it. Thank God for everything. All the glory be to You!
I must say these past two years have probably been the toughest of the 24 years I have lived thus far, but definitely the happiest for as long as I can remember.
Tough because this is the first time I move out from my home to pursue education. Before I do not have to worry about any expenses including necessities, groceries, phone bills, rents, tuitions, and other chores like laundry (occasionally I do have to worry about it), dishes or cooking since my parents would have taken care of all of the above for me. I am granted allowance; if I run short on money, I can ask them for it (usually I don't have to ask). All the money I earn goes into my pocket. Other than packing my own lunch I do not have to think about what to eat since every morning when I get up my dad would have breakfast prepared for me. Likewise, when I go home from school, my mom would have dinner ready as well. All I have to do is schoolwork, some private teaching and church ministries. My parents do encourage working part-time though, so I guess I am not completely spoiled for I have worked in various places.
However, when I live alone, things are completely different. School, work and church are not the only matters in my life anymore. I have to squeeze time to do my laundry, dishes and necessities shopping, even if that means I have to do it in the most obscure time of the day (i.e. doing laundry at midnight while everyone is zzz...). I have to watch my expenses. Even though I have scholarships and student loans and stuff, the money that I have is barely enough for all my expenses including rents, tuitions, books, percussion supplies, necessities and such. I dare not asking my parents for money since they work hard to support themselves financially and I do not wish to add onto their burden. I remember I often would stand between aisles in Safeway comparing which brands of ham is the cheapest yet still nutritious. I also find ways to prevent paying extra money for my cell phone. My friends and I would discuss where to find cheap yet sustainable clothes. Isn't that hilarious?
Transportation is also a big issue. I have my own car in Calgary. When my brother needs it, I still have my dad who would be more than willing to drive me around. But in Vancouver, I have to bus around almost all the time. I bus to church, and I bus to performance/rehearsal places (sometimes it takes more than an hour to get to those places, and I had to carry a backpack full of mallets and small instruments). Good thing some of my friends would give me a lift every once in a while so I can make better use of my time. But they are not always available ... I must say.
---
Tough, because music always requires hard-work. Hard-core practicing (on many instruments for percussionists too), hard-core rehearsals, hard-core researching ... there is an unending list. Good thing I am a performance major, so I only have to write limited number of papers. But I remember when I wrote my paper for the research technique class, I spent about 24 hours altogether flipping through more than 100 books to find at least 20 resources that would be suitable for my research. For a person who does not write a lot of papers, that was a pain.
Hard-core practicing - definitely. When I was preparing for the VSO timpani audition, I would go to the practice room at 7am or stay until 1am (of course, that does happen too often, and I had classes and other stuff in between) to practice my excerpts. When I prepared for my recital, I would practice for 8 hours a day because of the many number instruments we have to play. Meanwhile, I sacrificed a lot of my friend-bonding time and minimized my involvement at church. Since I was so devoted to my preparation, I almost neglected all other aspects of my living such laundry, dishes and cleaning up my room. For about two months, there was almost not a clear path in my room to walk on. Speaking of recital preparation, not only I have to practice to be able to play the pieces, I also have to do a lot of supplementary things to make the pieces playable. If you read the entry on my recital, I mentioned how I had to build a rack myself to hold the instruments and such.
Hard-core rehearsals ... music often requires collaborative work, percussion is no exception. Occasionally during the term I would have more than 10 rehearsals during the week, no matter it's for school courses or recital pieces. It wasn't the rehearsals themeselves that caused a problem, but time arrangements, space accommodation and schlepping! Drive me nuts when I had to deal with them!
---
Tough because I faced some big crisis through these two years. Family loss first of all. Praise God that grandpa accepted Christ before he passed away though. The other crisis was one of my friends betrayed my friendship to pursue a guy. I have not mentioned this case that publicly, but anyhow, everything is history and so I should not be shy about it.
---
I said at the beginning that these past years have been the happiest, and indeed they are. Through these years I have developed independence, rediscovered my lost self and better defined myself, found the true joy of playing great music, and known a bunch of wonderful friends. Better still, I enhanced tremendously my intimate relationship with God. These are all happy things, aren't they?
Because of my broken romantic relationship previously, I almost lost myself. I did not know what I was doing. All I have done, I have done it to impress my ex-boyfriend. Not that I received anything in return. After stepping out of this relationship by moving to another city, I actually start finding out who I truly am. And by living independently and being reflective (for I'm often alone), I know better of myself too.
I usually practice for fulfilling my duties. This master's degree truly makes me recognize the underlying motivation of practicing - which is to produce good music. When I can actually accomplish something, I actually feel joyful about it. Praise the Lord!
(I'm getting sleepy so I'm starting to rush through things here.)
And for my relationship with God ... hai~ my previous romance ruined my relationship with God somewhat. I served a lot in church (thank God I'm still allowed to serve despite my immorality), but when I stepped out of church I was not testifying Him. I actually had to deny Him in front of my ex-boyfriend. What a shame! Anyhow, I experienced more and more of God's grace as I redefined my relationship with Him. When I'm down, He raises me up. When I'm sad, He comforts me through His Words (read Psalm!). When I fall short on something, He provides. Isn't He amazing?
In a word, this journey of master's degree is amazing. I'm really happy to have completed yet another chapter in my life, and I'll for sure miss it. Thank God for everything. All the glory be to You!
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Another Song Sharing
Lately I come across two songs which lyrics (part of them) quite strike me:
我給你機會去愛 你為甚麼跑開? (提醒 - 天韻/Remind - Heavenly Melody)
I give you a chance to love, why do you run away?
愛亦留存在空氣裡 你為何特意躲避
Love is hanging in the air, why are you running away from it?
你若然願意關心他 他也願意關心你
If you are willing to care for him, he would be willing to care for you too.
(他在關心你 - 關菊英/He cares about you - Susanna Kwan)
One is a Christian song and the other a canto-pop song ... What is God trying to say here? Hopefully the message is not just an illusion.
Will continue my marathon tomorrow ... I think.
我給你機會去愛 你為甚麼跑開? (提醒 - 天韻/Remind - Heavenly Melody)
I give you a chance to love, why do you run away?
愛亦留存在空氣裡 你為何特意躲避
Love is hanging in the air, why are you running away from it?
你若然願意關心他 他也願意關心你
If you are willing to care for him, he would be willing to care for you too.
(他在關心你 - 關菊英/He cares about you - Susanna Kwan)
One is a Christian song and the other a canto-pop song ... What is God trying to say here? Hopefully the message is not just an illusion.
Will continue my marathon tomorrow ... I think.
Song Sharing
I haven't written on my blog for almost one full month! Well, family visiting and travelling prevent me from sitting at the computer to write something. I also haven't written anything in my private journal for a long time either.
Anyhow, I'd like to commence my blog marathon with some song sharing. If my Chinese friends have watched the just-finished TV series "Heart of Greed" (溏心風暴), hopefully you would find its theme song reflective and meaningful, since I think it is:
歌曲: 講不出聲
主唱: 關菊英
作曲: 鄧智偉 填詞: 張美賢
誰人無得到一切的渴求
誰人無攻於心計的理由
平凡人生 天真過後 要怎麼走
如何從委曲中再相信人
誰無狂想 不可告人
難忘時光 必須散席 留下我
# 快樂時 抱著時 那是至死不渝朋友
決裂時 你為何以為再拖一會 還有時候
即使多風光都要清醒
有幾多掌聲也是孤清
你只可聽到我大笑聲
哭泣 也未放聲
講不出聲 講不出聲
任由自己 半夜驚醒
我只不過偶爾受了驚於是 才遺忘本性 #
誰人能甘心一世一個人
如何才得資格可愛人
誠惶誠恐 只得我是 明白我
Repeat #
Often we pursue unsubstantial, temporal and worldly things (i.e. money, fame, expensive materials, irresponsible/playful relationships, or recognition from others; even drugs, alcohol and immoral sex) to secure ourselves or to turn ourselves away from reality. These things might fulfill our lustful desire, but it would only be momentary. As soon as the delightful sensation has pass, we would feel depressed and empty in our minds again. They are undependable.
What is dependable then? Who/what would truly satisfy our desires? The Lord who is "the Alpha and the Omega," and "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty." (Revelations 1:8, ESV) How do we know He is dependable? Look at all the promises He made in the bible and how He had fulfilled them. Study the prophesies and examine how they have come true one by one. Faithful God is the only One who would not let anything end up in vain.
God is not only a God who fulfills promises and prophesies, He is also the One who loves us to the fullest extent. He always accepts us no matter how many times we turn against Him. He even sends His Only Son, Jesus Christ, to take on flesh and die on the Cross to redeem our lives. Three days after Cruxificion He resurrects to ensure our hope to eternal life. Even though we are negligible, God still recognizes us as the most precious beings on earth. Given all that, how can we not believe that He is the One who could depend upon? How can we not realize that He could give us the utmost security in our lives and satisfy all our desires? With God in our hearts, we don't have to chase around for all the perishable things! We certainly don't need them! (Well, not saying that we can live supernaturally. We need necessities to sustain our lives, but not to extremity.)
"The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. " (Psalm 18:2, ESV)
Anyhow, I'd like to commence my blog marathon with some song sharing. If my Chinese friends have watched the just-finished TV series "Heart of Greed" (溏心風暴), hopefully you would find its theme song reflective and meaningful, since I think it is:
歌曲: 講不出聲
主唱: 關菊英
作曲: 鄧智偉 填詞: 張美賢
誰人無得到一切的渴求
誰人無攻於心計的理由
平凡人生 天真過後 要怎麼走
如何從委曲中再相信人
誰無狂想 不可告人
難忘時光 必須散席 留下我
# 快樂時 抱著時 那是至死不渝朋友
決裂時 你為何以為再拖一會 還有時候
即使多風光都要清醒
有幾多掌聲也是孤清
你只可聽到我大笑聲
哭泣 也未放聲
講不出聲 講不出聲
任由自己 半夜驚醒
我只不過偶爾受了驚於是 才遺忘本性 #
誰人能甘心一世一個人
如何才得資格可愛人
誠惶誠恐 只得我是 明白我
Repeat #
Often we pursue unsubstantial, temporal and worldly things (i.e. money, fame, expensive materials, irresponsible/playful relationships, or recognition from others; even drugs, alcohol and immoral sex) to secure ourselves or to turn ourselves away from reality. These things might fulfill our lustful desire, but it would only be momentary. As soon as the delightful sensation has pass, we would feel depressed and empty in our minds again. They are undependable.
What is dependable then? Who/what would truly satisfy our desires? The Lord who is "the Alpha and the Omega," and "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty." (Revelations 1:8, ESV) How do we know He is dependable? Look at all the promises He made in the bible and how He had fulfilled them. Study the prophesies and examine how they have come true one by one. Faithful God is the only One who would not let anything end up in vain.
God is not only a God who fulfills promises and prophesies, He is also the One who loves us to the fullest extent. He always accepts us no matter how many times we turn against Him. He even sends His Only Son, Jesus Christ, to take on flesh and die on the Cross to redeem our lives. Three days after Cruxificion He resurrects to ensure our hope to eternal life. Even though we are negligible, God still recognizes us as the most precious beings on earth. Given all that, how can we not believe that He is the One who could depend upon? How can we not realize that He could give us the utmost security in our lives and satisfy all our desires? With God in our hearts, we don't have to chase around for all the perishable things! We certainly don't need them! (Well, not saying that we can live supernaturally. We need necessities to sustain our lives, but not to extremity.)
"The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. " (Psalm 18:2, ESV)
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