Same Show, Different Places

All through this week I'm playing percussion in a Christmas production titled "Two from Galilee" at First Alliance Church.

7 years ago I played the same show for the same church, but at a different location. The previous location was only 20 minutes away from my house, and the current one would take at least twice as much time, depending on traffic. I have to drive along the busiest highway in Calgary - Deerfoot Trail (which I don't go on often), and it's rather nerve-racking to be on it during winter season (and in the evenings too) because you never know what kind of driving condition you would get. And my windshields are constantly dirty because of the mud you get from the snow. 

Furthermore, I am now playing this show with a different status. I was still a university student 7 years ago. School is out by December and I would have fairly flexible schedule. I would either chill at home (or study) or practice at the unversity until a certain time, and then grab something to eat and get going. Now, I'm a music instructor (and more). I have to cancel all my evening students in order to participate in the show. If I get to the venue early enough (again, depending on traffic), I may be able to grab a bite before the show. But tonight I didn't, unfortunately. By the time I arrived at the venue and set up, it was 3 minutes before the downbeat. I only finished my dinner now, at 11pm.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining here. Just some thoughts on my different stages in life.

An interesting passage I came across last night ...

As Dorothy Sayers once remarked, we all have diabolical thoughts, but there's a world of difference in how we act on those thoughts, whether, say, we write a murder mystery or commit murder. If a person wrongs me unjustly, I have several options. I can seek personal revenge, a response condemned by the Bible. I can deny or suppress my feelings of hurt and anger. Or, I can take those feelings to God, entrusting God with the task of retributive justice. The cursing psalms are vivid examples of that last option. The authors are expressing their outrage to God, not to the enemy.

Instinctively, we want to clean up our feelings in our prayers, but perhaps we have it all backwards. Perhaps we should strive to take all our worst feelings to God. After all, what would be gossip when addressed to anyone else is petition when addressed to God. What is a vengeful curse when spoken about someone ('D*** those people!') is a plea of helpless dependence when spoken directly to God ('It's up to you to d*** those people - only You are a just judge').

I see the cursing psalms as an important model for how to deal with evil and injustice. I should not try to suppress my reaction of horror and outrage at evil. Nor should I try to take justice in my own hands. Rather, I should deliver those feelings, stripped bare, to God. as the Books of Job, Jeremiah and Habakkuk clearly show, God has a high threshold of tolerance for what is appropriate to say in a prayer. God can 'handle' my unsuppressed rage. I may well find that my vindictive feelings need God's correction - but by only taking those feelings to God will I have that opportunity for correction and healing. (165)

- Philip Yancey, Prayer (2nd Edition)

BP

Today I went to BP to talk over some performance stuff with a friend, and I saw an old couple having lunch together. They shared a few dishes. I thought the scene was pretty sweet. I hope, when I get old, that I could do the same with my husband. For you never know how much time you get to spend with each other; you have to treasure it while you have it. :-)

煮飯

因為已經沒有跟父母住，所以煮飯煲湯要靠自己。雖不是十分「拿手」，但總算每日都可以吃得溫飽，有湯水滋補。

但近月實在太忙，買餸都不能花太多心機，去太多地方。通常都是每星期抽一晚下班後去Superstore旋風式購買需要的東西。沒辦法去大統華，因為大統華早關門，通常它關門時我都未下班。上班前我通常要做我freelance的工作，就算有時間我都寧願休息多過買完餸回家，然後再上班。Superstore關門時間較晚，而我去的時間通常很清閒，有時可以take my time.

因為以上種種，近來我煮餸煲湯的種類開始獨沽一味。例如雞翼，雖然我懂烹調幾款口味，但總不能一個月吃三四次雞翼吧﹝縱然我很喜歡吃﹞？湯水方面，除了補湯一定會有之外，近月我都已經煲了幾次蕃茄薯仔紅蘿蔔湯，救命！近來又不見Superstore有粟米賣，否則都可以煲粟米湯！

廚藝更加沒有時間鑽研，總之有時間put something together，夜晚有時間洗碗便算了。有時材料分量真的會被忽略─例如今晚當我煮咖哩雞翼時，我放了太多水，令到個汁太稀了。

還是下定決心找一天去一趟大統華吧。

今要主自己 Himself

I must say it's very hard to fully grasp the underlying meaning of this hymn. Probably I'll still not get it by the end of my life.

今要主自己 Himself
生命聖詩 Hymn of Life #393

1. 前所要是祝福，今所要是主；前所憑是感覺，今靠主言語；
前所要是恩賜，今要賜恩主；前我尋求醫治，今要主自己。

Once it was the blessing, now it is the Lord;
Once it was the feeling, now it is His Word;
Once His gift I wanted, now, the Giver own;
Once I sought for healing, now Himself alone.

2. 前用己力苦試，今完全信靠；前要一半救恩，今要全得救；
前常用手拉主，今主手牽我；前常漂流無定，今錨已拋妥。

Once was painful trying, now is perfect trust;
Once a half salvation, now the uttermost;
Once was ceaseless holding, now He holds me fast;
Once was constant drifting, now my anchor cast.

3. 前我忙於計劃，今專心祈求；前我非常掛慮，今有主眷佑；
前我隨己所欲，今聽主訓語；前我不住求問，今常讚美主。

Once was busy planning, now is trustful prayer;
Once was anxious caring, now He has the care;
Once was what I wanted, now what Jesus says;
Once was constant asking, now is ceaseless praise.

4. 前是自己作工，今靠主工作；前我欲利用主，今讓主用我；
前我尋求能力，今要全能主；前為自己勞碌，今為主而活。

Once it was my working, His it hence shall be;
Once I tried to use Him, now He uses me;
Once the pow'r I wanted, now the Mighty One;
Once for self I labored, now for Him alone.

5. 前我盼望屬主，今知主屬我；前我燈將熄滅，今照耀輝煌；
前我等待死亡，今候主再來；我一切的盼望，安妥主幔內。

Once I hoped in Jesus, now I know He's mine;
Once my lamps were dying, now they brightly shine;
Once for death I waited, now His coming hail;
And my hopes are anchored safe within the veil.

副歌：永遠高舉耶穌，讚美主不歇；一切在耶穌裡，惟祂是我一切。

Refrain: All in all forever, Jesus will I sing; Everything in Jesus, and Jesus everything.

Time to Let Go

I wrote this song while I was going through depression four years ago. As I was meditating last night, this song came to me again. I know, it's time to let go of my past.

Thank You for Saving Me 感激你救贖

One night I bowed down on my knees and cried

It's because my transgressions are far too deep
I always feel unworthy
Of God's love, His mercy and forgiveness
But Jesus says in His Words, "It's for you that I died,
Your sin has been paid in full by the blood I shed on the Cross."

一天我屈膝又暗淚垂

是我的悔疚深深百般罪尤
常在怨歎我不配
是基督祂恩惠跟祂愛憐
寧願捨身救罪人 讓苦杯傾倒主手中
為世擔當憂困 十架傾出救恩 盼望再點起

Thank You for saving me, O Lord

Now I'm free from all the wrongs
Only by Your love, I am able to leave my past behind
And move on to the future beyond
I'll give my life as a sacrifice
To You, Jesus Christ, may Your name be glorified

感激你救贖 我主
我今天已得釋放
深知因你的愛 我讓過去一切放低
張開雙眼看目前
我會將一生都獻奉
頌讚予基督 讓我高舉你聖名

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah. I worship You (我敬拜你)...

With all my heart, Amen.

Dream Fulfilled?

Many years ago I wrote on a bookmark: 我心願在生活上事奉神，忠心為此事禱告。I don't recall why I wrote "生活上" as my wish, and I must confess I haven't earnestly prayed about it. Nevertheless, this bookmark has been in my bible since I wrote on it, and I would see it once in a while.

Tonight I asked one of my fellowship-mates to bring a pyrex container to the Thanksgiving potluck so I could bring her soup tomorrow. For she is very busy with her work and doesn't get time to cook. Plus she is pregnant. As I was preparing the soup, I suddenly remembered the things I wrote on this bookmark. I thought, perhaps this is what God wants me to do in regards to 在生活上事奉神 - 在生活上服侍弟兄姊妹.

Funny how God fulfills my dreams eh? Though I am not exclusively active in the fellowship, at least I am still doing something as a service, and I am happy about it.