So tonight, in the 4th day of Winter Conference, I confirmed God's calling of being a full-time local minister in Canada. I don't have much to say about it; just that I now have a clearer direction of how to equip myself in the near future. Pray for my family since I don't know when and how to tell them the news, and I have no idea what reaction they would get into when I do tell them. And for my future husband (if God desires me to get married) since I would very much like him to support my ministries (or vice versa)
Thank you Lord Jesus. There is NO ONE I would serve but You.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Monday, December 25, 2006
Announcement
I just agreed to become the president of my fellowship in Vancouver, so I WILL stay in Vancouver for at least a few months after my master graduation. What will happen thereafter, I seriously don't know. Let's see what God has in store for me.
Apparently, UBC's pass of a course isn't only 50% ... hai~
Apparently, UBC's pass of a course isn't only 50% ... hai~
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Christmas Time Is Here!
... Happiness and cheers
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year
What is the meaning behind Christmas? Is it a time for family reunion? Is it a season for gifts and parties? Or is it just another holiday to get students out of school and adults out of work temporarily?
All of the above is true, except there is another meaning which is infinitely more important. Hymns, carols and stories have said that Christmas is the day when Jesus Christ was born. It is not a myth, it's the Truth! Jesus Christ, the Son of God, King above all creatures, descended to earth and took on flesh! Why? Because He loved us. He understood that we were all sinful and we could not save ourselves from sin despite what we did, so He, who was sinless and was the most holy, offered to save us. Not only He offered to save us, He fulfilled His promise using the most humble way - becoming a human (given He is God), born in a manger, living in poverty for all His life, being ridiculed by many people, and eventually sacrificing Himself on the Cross. Who would express this kind of genuine, compassionate and unconditional love other than God? And His love endures forever (Psalm 136).
The Lord our God lives high above, and He could have let us wander in sins alone. But no, He is heartbroken that we are lost in the dark, so He rescues us. He would like to reconcile with us. So folks, don't think that God is someone unattainable. He is everywhere, and He always loves us. Would you return His love? This is probably something you can ponder upon in this festive season. Merry Christmas and a bright New Year. May God's grace shower upon you.
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year
What is the meaning behind Christmas? Is it a time for family reunion? Is it a season for gifts and parties? Or is it just another holiday to get students out of school and adults out of work temporarily?
All of the above is true, except there is another meaning which is infinitely more important. Hymns, carols and stories have said that Christmas is the day when Jesus Christ was born. It is not a myth, it's the Truth! Jesus Christ, the Son of God, King above all creatures, descended to earth and took on flesh! Why? Because He loved us. He understood that we were all sinful and we could not save ourselves from sin despite what we did, so He, who was sinless and was the most holy, offered to save us. Not only He offered to save us, He fulfilled His promise using the most humble way - becoming a human (given He is God), born in a manger, living in poverty for all His life, being ridiculed by many people, and eventually sacrificing Himself on the Cross. Who would express this kind of genuine, compassionate and unconditional love other than God? And His love endures forever (Psalm 136).
The Lord our God lives high above, and He could have let us wander in sins alone. But no, He is heartbroken that we are lost in the dark, so He rescues us. He would like to reconcile with us. So folks, don't think that God is someone unattainable. He is everywhere, and He always loves us. Would you return His love? This is probably something you can ponder upon in this festive season. Merry Christmas and a bright New Year. May God's grace shower upon you.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Good Morning, A&W
So I immediately went to work today, the day after my arrival at home. That's not the problem. The problem was, I had to get up before 6am to get to work at 6:30am. Horrendous. Thank God I was able to function at a relatively okay level so I almost didn't make any mistakes. The shop was busier than when I left in the summer, like my mom mentioned many times in the past semester. I don't know why people have so much money to spend, and I don't know why they choose particularly A&W to spend their spree at. I saw many old folks today and it was nice, as they infused a slight flavor of joy within the stressful environment.
So, I really need to think about three things over the holidays - being the president or not in my fellowship in Vancouver, where and how to launch my career, and you. Hmmm ... drop my two cents about these later.
So, I really need to think about three things over the holidays - being the president or not in my fellowship in Vancouver, where and how to launch my career, and you. Hmmm ... drop my two cents about these later.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Say Goodbye ... Temporarily
It was really God's grace that I got to be the last person saying goodbye to you before you headed home today. What a privilege! I hope you would have a full recharge during your holidays. Pray for you.
Whereas I, would be leaving tomorrow afternoon. Starting Wednesday I have to switch myself from being a night owl to a morning person since I have to work at 7:30am for the rest of the week!!!! I don't know why I suddenly become a night owl, never go to sleep until 2am ... I don't particularly like this sleeping habit. But anyways, I shall turn this around during Christmas.
Goodbye Vancouver ... for now.
Whereas I, would be leaving tomorrow afternoon. Starting Wednesday I have to switch myself from being a night owl to a morning person since I have to work at 7:30am for the rest of the week!!!! I don't know why I suddenly become a night owl, never go to sleep until 2am ... I don't particularly like this sleeping habit. But anyways, I shall turn this around during Christmas.
Goodbye Vancouver ... for now.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Now on to the Holidays ...
Finally, finally; every piece of work on my list is done! Now I get to clean, pack, and prepare to go home for Christmas!
The past couple of weeks were of course quite painstaking. First, after the orchestra concert I studied my butt off for the world music culture exam, which was held on the 7th. Thank God it was a rather easy exam to prepare for. The professor gave us a detailed outline of what to study, and we had a long time to write the exam. So I'm not worried about this subject at all - I can probably get an A. After the exam in the morning of the 7th, I jumped to bed to take a nap, and restored energy for hard-core working on my jazz history paper, which was due on the next day (8th!!). Since I had been occupied with other aspects of my school work previously, I didn't really commence working on it, other than reading a few articles and listening to recordings, until the afternoon of the 7th. It sucked since I had to do research AND write a paper (luckily it wasn't a long paper) in a 24-hour span! I only slept for 3 hours that day, and the sleep was divided into three portions. How pathetic was that! I needed to sleep since my brain was dysfunctional, but I couldn't sleep for long since I was still panicking for not having enough time to finish my paper. So finally, I finished it 45 minutes before the absolute deadline, and to my surprise, I got a B on it, which really boosted my overall course mark up. Praise the Lord!
After the paper was the preparation for the percussion olympics and the jazz history exam. Well, I went to a party and had a beer on the night I handed in my paper, and I stayed out pretty late since I wanted to relax. I had the best poutine ever in downtown. That morning I hit bed at 3:30am and didn't regain consciousness until well into the afternoon. Anyways, percussion olympics. I wanted to opt out of the olympics because I had to study for exams, but my professor urged me to still be part of it by preparing something easy. And so, I prepared a couple of etudes and a few excerpts which I was fairly familiar with. The olympics (on the 11th) was really fun. The most fun parts were the trivial questions (with goodies and prizes!) and the obstacle course. Thank you V for organizing it!
Following the olympics was the jazz exam. Wow I never knew how to study for it, and I never knew how much I needed to study. I couldn't concentrate in the morning of the exam date (13th at 8:30am) because of lack of sleep and not sleeping well. I had pretty terrible dreams that night. I managed to finish the exam within the short time limit ... but boy I know why I'm not a historian. I passed the exam, AND the course. Praise the Lord!!! I'm now one step closer to graduation! I was afraid if I failed the course I wouldn't be able to graduate ... but hey "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
I played in church celebrations in the weekend. It wasn't hard; just time consuming. Plus I (and some others) had to move the timpani back and forth between the two church campuses, and in and out of UBC. It was troublesome. Oh well, for the goodness of the Gospel! Hopefully the music ministry in VCAC will develop even more adequately in the future.
So, something else happened in the past two weeks too. Things have been fluctuating between us, and within both of us. I won't get into details here now since it's a rather serious matter. All I can say is, God is great; His grace is amazing. He has forgiven me utterly my wrongs, trusted me wholeheartedly, protected me from danger, and listened to my prayers. He has the absolute authority over everything, and that I can do nothing but to obey Him. I pray for self-submission to God, staying faithful to God, and His grace showering upon you.
The past couple of weeks were of course quite painstaking. First, after the orchestra concert I studied my butt off for the world music culture exam, which was held on the 7th. Thank God it was a rather easy exam to prepare for. The professor gave us a detailed outline of what to study, and we had a long time to write the exam. So I'm not worried about this subject at all - I can probably get an A. After the exam in the morning of the 7th, I jumped to bed to take a nap, and restored energy for hard-core working on my jazz history paper, which was due on the next day (8th!!). Since I had been occupied with other aspects of my school work previously, I didn't really commence working on it, other than reading a few articles and listening to recordings, until the afternoon of the 7th. It sucked since I had to do research AND write a paper (luckily it wasn't a long paper) in a 24-hour span! I only slept for 3 hours that day, and the sleep was divided into three portions. How pathetic was that! I needed to sleep since my brain was dysfunctional, but I couldn't sleep for long since I was still panicking for not having enough time to finish my paper. So finally, I finished it 45 minutes before the absolute deadline, and to my surprise, I got a B on it, which really boosted my overall course mark up. Praise the Lord!
After the paper was the preparation for the percussion olympics and the jazz history exam. Well, I went to a party and had a beer on the night I handed in my paper, and I stayed out pretty late since I wanted to relax. I had the best poutine ever in downtown. That morning I hit bed at 3:30am and didn't regain consciousness until well into the afternoon. Anyways, percussion olympics. I wanted to opt out of the olympics because I had to study for exams, but my professor urged me to still be part of it by preparing something easy. And so, I prepared a couple of etudes and a few excerpts which I was fairly familiar with. The olympics (on the 11th) was really fun. The most fun parts were the trivial questions (with goodies and prizes!) and the obstacle course. Thank you V for organizing it!
Following the olympics was the jazz exam. Wow I never knew how to study for it, and I never knew how much I needed to study. I couldn't concentrate in the morning of the exam date (13th at 8:30am) because of lack of sleep and not sleeping well. I had pretty terrible dreams that night. I managed to finish the exam within the short time limit ... but boy I know why I'm not a historian. I passed the exam, AND the course. Praise the Lord!!! I'm now one step closer to graduation! I was afraid if I failed the course I wouldn't be able to graduate ... but hey "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
I played in church celebrations in the weekend. It wasn't hard; just time consuming. Plus I (and some others) had to move the timpani back and forth between the two church campuses, and in and out of UBC. It was troublesome. Oh well, for the goodness of the Gospel! Hopefully the music ministry in VCAC will develop even more adequately in the future.
So, something else happened in the past two weeks too. Things have been fluctuating between us, and within both of us. I won't get into details here now since it's a rather serious matter. All I can say is, God is great; His grace is amazing. He has forgiven me utterly my wrongs, trusted me wholeheartedly, protected me from danger, and listened to my prayers. He has the absolute authority over everything, and that I can do nothing but to obey Him. I pray for self-submission to God, staying faithful to God, and His grace showering upon you.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Apology
Sorry I haven't been activating the "comment" function in my blog; I didn't know by choosing to hide the comments from being shown on the blog, I actually eliminate the function altogether. I thought people could still leave comments somehow. Anyways, to make your life easier, for those who actually want to leave a comment, I have changed my setting and you should now be able to leave comments.
Won't be able to write so much these days since I'm frantically studying for my finals! So, sorry to those who read my blog regularly ... :-(
Won't be able to write so much these days since I'm frantically studying for my finals! So, sorry to those who read my blog regularly ... :-(
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Belzhassar's Feast
Finally the orchestra concert is done!!! Sincere thanks to those who came!!! I was thrilled when I heard there were actually a few fellows coming!!! The concert was not forgotten!
I almost cried when I played Belzhassar's Feast. Simply because of the move from the Holy Spirit. This oratorio is based on the Book of Daniel, and it has a hint of Revelation. This is what the End Time is about ... and what are we going to do about it?
Awfully distracted these days ... I don't know why the distraction is so sudden. Continue to pray la hai~
One paper and two finals in the next two weeks - all the best to you Music Monster.
(P.S. Now I can retire from playing gigantic cymbal crashes ... for a while.)
I almost cried when I played Belzhassar's Feast. Simply because of the move from the Holy Spirit. This oratorio is based on the Book of Daniel, and it has a hint of Revelation. This is what the End Time is about ... and what are we going to do about it?
Awfully distracted these days ... I don't know why the distraction is so sudden. Continue to pray la hai~
One paper and two finals in the next two weeks - all the best to you Music Monster.
(P.S. Now I can retire from playing gigantic cymbal crashes ... for a while.)
Last Day of School!!!!!
Finally, the last day of school is over ... now I don't have to worry about forcing myself out of bed early in the morning and running into class without food in my stomach. More importantly, no more school around the clock!!!! (for a while)
So now I'm devoted to my paper and final exams. Wait ... concert first ... in 20 hours. Belshazzar's Feast at 8pm in Chan Centre, with UBC Symphony Orchestra, University Singers and Choral Union. The concert will be great except, he WILL NOT come! I really wonder why! Oh well, he has no obligation though. Seems like the "dark force" is quite powerful these days. Last time I sang my new spiritual composition and he missed it because he had to get prepared for his own act in his room. This time the concert is biblical, and he is going to miss it also! Is there any way I can coerce him to come!? Hai~
So now I'm devoted to my paper and final exams. Wait ... concert first ... in 20 hours. Belshazzar's Feast at 8pm in Chan Centre, with UBC Symphony Orchestra, University Singers and Choral Union. The concert will be great except, he WILL NOT come! I really wonder why! Oh well, he has no obligation though. Seems like the "dark force" is quite powerful these days. Last time I sang my new spiritual composition and he missed it because he had to get prepared for his own act in his room. This time the concert is biblical, and he is going to miss it also! Is there any way I can coerce him to come!? Hai~
Friday, December 01, 2006
Helpless ...
... again ... when I think of "the situation" ... but then ...
"Consider the work of God: who can make straight what He has made crooked? In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him." (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14, ESV)
After all, the situation is not bad at all; I am just too impatient and have too much expectations too quickly. Keep praying and waiting la ...
"Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools." (Ecclesiastes 7:8-9, ESV)
Hope I don't become hopeless though ...
The current news are mostly about dropping bombs, installment of suiciding bombs, soldiers being killed, natural disasters, parties of the parliament going against each other, separation among nations, etc. Quite miserable since there is almost nothing positive. Well, that fulfills what Lord Jesus said in Luke 21:10-19:
"Then he said to them, 'Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, and in various places famines and pestilences. And there will be terrors and great signs from heaven. But before all this they will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name's sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness. Settle it therefore in your minds not to meditate beforehand how to answer, for I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict. You will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and some of you they will put to death. You will be hated by all for my name's sake. But not a hair of your head will perish. By your endurance you will gain your lives.' "
This is yet another reminder that Christ is coming back soon - Christians, be alert!
Hai~ I hope you would become a Christian soon ...
One last day of school and I don't have to deal with it for a while ... I don't like staying in school around the clock, but I have no choice!
"Consider the work of God: who can make straight what He has made crooked? In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him." (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14, ESV)
After all, the situation is not bad at all; I am just too impatient and have too much expectations too quickly. Keep praying and waiting la ...
"Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools." (Ecclesiastes 7:8-9, ESV)
Hope I don't become hopeless though ...
The current news are mostly about dropping bombs, installment of suiciding bombs, soldiers being killed, natural disasters, parties of the parliament going against each other, separation among nations, etc. Quite miserable since there is almost nothing positive. Well, that fulfills what Lord Jesus said in Luke 21:10-19:
"Then he said to them, 'Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, and in various places famines and pestilences. And there will be terrors and great signs from heaven. But before all this they will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name's sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness. Settle it therefore in your minds not to meditate beforehand how to answer, for I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict. You will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and some of you they will put to death. You will be hated by all for my name's sake. But not a hair of your head will perish. By your endurance you will gain your lives.' "
This is yet another reminder that Christ is coming back soon - Christians, be alert!
Hai~ I hope you would become a Christian soon ...
One last day of school and I don't have to deal with it for a while ... I don't like staying in school around the clock, but I have no choice!
Monday, November 27, 2006
UBC Is Resting Today
"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" (Psalm 46:10, ESV)
"你們要休息，要知道我是神！我必在外邦中被尊崇，在遍地上也被尊崇。" (詩篇46:10)
Today is the day-off of my dreams for ages! I did nothing but relaxing! Well, because of class cancellation (severe snowstorm) and power outage. I really thank God since He knows exactly what I need - I need rest after a marathon of performances. So He allowed heavy snow, leading to class cancellation and power outage, which makes me totally out of reach from work. Although, it causes a lot of troubles to the city. :-P
Thanks to the chefs, for they provide us food despite the snowstorm. A big bow to you!
So I played lego with him for the whole day. Good bonding time. I thank God for this too since we wouldn't have such a long time together if it wasn't a day off for the whole school. Anyways, I discover occasionally we do say things to each other that shows our honesty but not entirely consideration. It gets to me sometimes. I need to pray for understanding since I know you don't mean to hurt me in a personal sense. *Sigh* Why so worried le? I'm only friends to you!
I still need to pray for utter submission and obedience to God's plans, or else I'll keep worrying, knowing God has already given me the Promise. I still need to pray for the courage to face her. One day they are still together, one day I still have to face her. I have tried so hard to keep casual friends with her. But no, whenever I see her around (no matter she is around him or not), I have to back off since I just can't stand it. I like him, and she has tricked me! And she doesn't feel guilty at all! What kind of friend is this! Anyways, Lord, honestly, I hope everything will turn okay soon (no matter what way it turns to) ... I hate to always back off from people like this.
Okay, I'll stop venting. Last night's performance went all right. Everything was held together; not very tightly, but I was sure the audience was impressed. I was kind of worried about the conductor since he had to put one of his hands on the music stand to support himself; I was afraid he was going to fall! The snow was heavy and so my friends who came to watch me and I took a cab home. The taxi driver drove at 30km/h all the way. The rehearsals prior to this performance was brutal ... not because the music was hard nor because the conductor was short-tempered, but because of the disorganization and irresponsibility from the person who "hired" me to do this gig. He just dumped the music to the percussionists and let everything hang in the air! Because of our ignorance to what to do, it made the section look really bad!!!! *Sigh* Oh well, I played for the music and the conductor.
Classes are resuming tomorrow ... another school day around the clock.
"你們要休息，要知道我是神！我必在外邦中被尊崇，在遍地上也被尊崇。" (詩篇46:10)
Today is the day-off of my dreams for ages! I did nothing but relaxing! Well, because of class cancellation (severe snowstorm) and power outage. I really thank God since He knows exactly what I need - I need rest after a marathon of performances. So He allowed heavy snow, leading to class cancellation and power outage, which makes me totally out of reach from work. Although, it causes a lot of troubles to the city. :-P
Thanks to the chefs, for they provide us food despite the snowstorm. A big bow to you!
So I played lego with him for the whole day. Good bonding time. I thank God for this too since we wouldn't have such a long time together if it wasn't a day off for the whole school. Anyways, I discover occasionally we do say things to each other that shows our honesty but not entirely consideration. It gets to me sometimes. I need to pray for understanding since I know you don't mean to hurt me in a personal sense. *Sigh* Why so worried le? I'm only friends to you!
I still need to pray for utter submission and obedience to God's plans, or else I'll keep worrying, knowing God has already given me the Promise. I still need to pray for the courage to face her. One day they are still together, one day I still have to face her. I have tried so hard to keep casual friends with her. But no, whenever I see her around (no matter she is around him or not), I have to back off since I just can't stand it. I like him, and she has tricked me! And she doesn't feel guilty at all! What kind of friend is this! Anyways, Lord, honestly, I hope everything will turn okay soon (no matter what way it turns to) ... I hate to always back off from people like this.
Okay, I'll stop venting. Last night's performance went all right. Everything was held together; not very tightly, but I was sure the audience was impressed. I was kind of worried about the conductor since he had to put one of his hands on the music stand to support himself; I was afraid he was going to fall! The snow was heavy and so my friends who came to watch me and I took a cab home. The taxi driver drove at 30km/h all the way. The rehearsals prior to this performance was brutal ... not because the music was hard nor because the conductor was short-tempered, but because of the disorganization and irresponsibility from the person who "hired" me to do this gig. He just dumped the music to the percussionists and let everything hang in the air! Because of our ignorance to what to do, it made the section look really bad!!!! *Sigh* Oh well, I played for the music and the conductor.
Classes are resuming tomorrow ... another school day around the clock.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Translation to the Song
People asked about the translation of the song I sang tonight, and so I would give the translation here:
Finding my dreams, it stirs up the ambitions in me
Walking through the wind, I always want to push ahead
But many forces in the world try to push be back
I can only blame the harshness of reality.
Losing my mind, I can only condemn and be exasperated at myself
Sorrow flows in my mind, I cannot relax a bit
Only now I can put down
My heavy burden
(Chorus)
What I am going through comes from You, so I shall remain silent.
(I was silent, I would not say a word, for You are the One who have done it - Psalm 39:9)
What I am experiencing comes from Your promising desire, so I shall happily accept it.
Waiting for You, relying on You, looking up to You in every moment.
Holding You tight, not letting go of my hands, I'm holding onto You.
Losing my directions, God gives me encouragement to lead me back
Confronting the wind, but I would not back off
Now I can continue to find my dreams
Because God is always with me.
Repeat Chorus
I believe one day God would let me see His grace
For love, He would show His greatness
I believe I would eventually overcome all the obstacles
And sing praise for You with hope
Repeat Chorus twice
I'll always lean on You.
Finding my dreams, it stirs up the ambitions in me
Walking through the wind, I always want to push ahead
But many forces in the world try to push be back
I can only blame the harshness of reality.
Losing my mind, I can only condemn and be exasperated at myself
Sorrow flows in my mind, I cannot relax a bit
Only now I can put down
My heavy burden
(Chorus)
What I am going through comes from You, so I shall remain silent.
(I was silent, I would not say a word, for You are the One who have done it - Psalm 39:9)
What I am experiencing comes from Your promising desire, so I shall happily accept it.
Waiting for You, relying on You, looking up to You in every moment.
Holding You tight, not letting go of my hands, I'm holding onto You.
Losing my directions, God gives me encouragement to lead me back
Confronting the wind, but I would not back off
Now I can continue to find my dreams
Because God is always with me.
Repeat Chorus
I believe one day God would let me see His grace
For love, He would show His greatness
I believe I would eventually overcome all the obstacles
And sing praise for You with hope
Repeat Chorus twice
I'll always lean on You.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Coffee House
Tonight is the SJC's semi-annual Coffee House, and I am involved in three of the seventeen acts: SJC choir, my own composition, and accompanying Jean with her song.
Can't foretell how the thing will go yet, but I have decided to make my own act a testimony of my personal experience with God in the past three-quarters of the year. I don't see why I shouldn't because, first of all, I really want to testify God, and second, I have just finished writing the song last week. The following is the lyrics to the song:
I’m Holding onto You
(Psalm 39:9)
曲、詞：黃筠詠 © November 14, 2006
尋夢中 捲起了內心千般暗湧
隨疾風 我每刻想去衝
但世間有多種壓迫想我後退
嘆息現實 多麼殘酷
迷亂中 只懂去自責焦急滿胸
愁浪湧 我每刻不放鬆
直至今 方可以放低藏在心
千斤般的那些怨憤
(Chorus)
因我所遭遇是出於你 我就默然不語
因我所經歷原是應許的旨意 我就放下茫然 歡欣承受
專心等候你 靠著你 仰賴你 每個時候
緊緊抱著你 從不放手 I’m holding onto You
迷路中 主給我勵勉 把我引牽
迎著風 我始終不退縮
現我可 專心一意的尋夢想
只因主不棄的同行
Repeat Chorus
我信有一天主會讓我見到祂恩惠
全為愛彰顯祂的美善
我信我始終都會完全衝開障礙
帶著盼望去為你頌唱凱歌
Repeat Chorus twice
I’ll always lean on You.
Really the past three-quarters of the year has been quite a journey for me to get through; it is a stepping stone for me to enhance my relationship with God. I can't agree more that God's grace is sufficient (as 1 Corinthians 12:9 says), and that He would let us go through something that would overtake us or is beyond our ability to handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). The more I draw my focus on Him, the more He opens up my eyes to see the general picture. The more I let things go, the more of God's grace I experience. It is so true that when we declare that we are weak, God would add His infinite strength, wisdom and intelligence upon us; and that's how we become strong again. In the contrary, if we always pretend to be "strong and tough", we would burn out eventually and hit very hard. So, "lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)" but lean on God!
"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act." (Psalm 37:5, ESV)
Thank you Lord Jesus! :-)
Can't foretell how the thing will go yet, but I have decided to make my own act a testimony of my personal experience with God in the past three-quarters of the year. I don't see why I shouldn't because, first of all, I really want to testify God, and second, I have just finished writing the song last week. The following is the lyrics to the song:
I’m Holding onto You
(Psalm 39:9)
曲、詞：黃筠詠 © November 14, 2006
尋夢中 捲起了內心千般暗湧
隨疾風 我每刻想去衝
但世間有多種壓迫想我後退
嘆息現實 多麼殘酷
迷亂中 只懂去自責焦急滿胸
愁浪湧 我每刻不放鬆
直至今 方可以放低藏在心
千斤般的那些怨憤
(Chorus)
因我所遭遇是出於你 我就默然不語
因我所經歷原是應許的旨意 我就放下茫然 歡欣承受
專心等候你 靠著你 仰賴你 每個時候
緊緊抱著你 從不放手 I’m holding onto You
迷路中 主給我勵勉 把我引牽
迎著風 我始終不退縮
現我可 專心一意的尋夢想
只因主不棄的同行
Repeat Chorus
我信有一天主會讓我見到祂恩惠
全為愛彰顯祂的美善
我信我始終都會完全衝開障礙
帶著盼望去為你頌唱凱歌
Repeat Chorus twice
I’ll always lean on You.
Really the past three-quarters of the year has been quite a journey for me to get through; it is a stepping stone for me to enhance my relationship with God. I can't agree more that God's grace is sufficient (as 1 Corinthians 12:9 says), and that He would let us go through something that would overtake us or is beyond our ability to handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). The more I draw my focus on Him, the more He opens up my eyes to see the general picture. The more I let things go, the more of God's grace I experience. It is so true that when we declare that we are weak, God would add His infinite strength, wisdom and intelligence upon us; and that's how we become strong again. In the contrary, if we always pretend to be "strong and tough", we would burn out eventually and hit very hard. So, "lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)" but lean on God!
"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will act." (Psalm 37:5, ESV)
Thank you Lord Jesus! :-)
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
1st Anniversary of Separation
So, two days ago marks the 1st anniversary of the official termination of the relationship with my ex-boyfriend. Can't believe it has been a year already. How does it feel to be a single? Quite good actually. By stepping out of this relationship, I step out of the shadow of torture. By stepping out of this relationship, I rediscover myself. By stepping out of this relationship, I rebuild my relationship with God.
I am not saying this relationship did not do me any good at all. At least I learned to become a wiser person. I learned to rely on God more. I learned to wait for God to satisfy His plans (especially in love relationships). Moreover, I can use my experience to help people who are going through similar situations. Although, if I were to choose again, I would not choose to commit to this relationship, since it has been far too painful.
Now, when will things turn out well between you and me? I don't know, I only know that:
"But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)
Keep waiting la. I pray I don't become impatient again, however.
I really thank God that I got to discuss with you about Christianity. I hope, eventually, you would find all the right answers to your questions. Pray for you. :-)
I am not saying this relationship did not do me any good at all. At least I learned to become a wiser person. I learned to rely on God more. I learned to wait for God to satisfy His plans (especially in love relationships). Moreover, I can use my experience to help people who are going through similar situations. Although, if I were to choose again, I would not choose to commit to this relationship, since it has been far too painful.
Now, when will things turn out well between you and me? I don't know, I only know that:
"But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)
Keep waiting la. I pray I don't become impatient again, however.
I really thank God that I got to discuss with you about Christianity. I hope, eventually, you would find all the right answers to your questions. Pray for you. :-)
Saturday, November 18, 2006
In Everything Give Thanks!
"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (1 Thessalonians 5:18, ESV)
I often complain about how slowly things are moving between me and you, and how there are so many obstacles before us. Actually as I open my heart more and observe how God has worked within this matter, I discover there are myriad things I should give thanks about (I'll list a few here):
Give thanks - God puts that girl between you and me to prevent my fantasies since you are not yet a Christian, unfortunately.
Give thanks - Despite you are in a relationship and how people back off from you because of your relationship, we are still best friends (where we would pour our hearts out to each other). So there is a chance I would share the gospel with you.
Give thanks - I could be myself in front of you.
Give thanks - You respect me, my values, and my religion.
Give thanks - You put my words in your heart. No matter how many times you claim you are forgetful, you are very good at remembering my things or the things I've told you.
Give thanks - Even with the little amount of time I spend at the dormitory, I still see you everyday. My goodness, I must elaborate on this. I have many friends at the college, but I don't see very often. If God allows, I would perhaps see them every couple of days or something. If not, I might not see them for weeks! That's what busyness costs me. However, no matter what time of the day I leave or get back to the college, I still see him everyday somehow (i.e. in the hallway, in his room, in the dining hall, etc.)!!! I'm amazed! What other reason can I find other than it's God's wonderful work? I must praise Him!
It has been just over a year since I've started to have feelings for you and praying for you. Even though things are moving quite slowly to my impatient sense, I can really see God's guidance in this matter. Certainly, sometimes I do wonder whether things would ever work out between us, but if God has already told me that you are the one, then I should believe that He would motivate you to accept Him and make things work out between us. (I know God would not let me be together with a "you" who is not a Christian yet.) Although, if God wills, I hope this will happen soon so I don't have to worry so much.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
"緣份奧妙的牽引 把兩心靠近 即使分千里 情緣從沒變心
歲月可轉變 戀愛的信念 永久都不變 唯有真心" (緣份 - 蔡一傑, 鄭嘉穎, 王馨平)
I often complain about how slowly things are moving between me and you, and how there are so many obstacles before us. Actually as I open my heart more and observe how God has worked within this matter, I discover there are myriad things I should give thanks about (I'll list a few here):
Give thanks - God puts that girl between you and me to prevent my fantasies since you are not yet a Christian, unfortunately.
Give thanks - Despite you are in a relationship and how people back off from you because of your relationship, we are still best friends (where we would pour our hearts out to each other). So there is a chance I would share the gospel with you.
Give thanks - I could be myself in front of you.
Give thanks - You respect me, my values, and my religion.
Give thanks - You put my words in your heart. No matter how many times you claim you are forgetful, you are very good at remembering my things or the things I've told you.
Give thanks - Even with the little amount of time I spend at the dormitory, I still see you everyday. My goodness, I must elaborate on this. I have many friends at the college, but I don't see very often. If God allows, I would perhaps see them every couple of days or something. If not, I might not see them for weeks! That's what busyness costs me. However, no matter what time of the day I leave or get back to the college, I still see him everyday somehow (i.e. in the hallway, in his room, in the dining hall, etc.)!!! I'm amazed! What other reason can I find other than it's God's wonderful work? I must praise Him!
It has been just over a year since I've started to have feelings for you and praying for you. Even though things are moving quite slowly to my impatient sense, I can really see God's guidance in this matter. Certainly, sometimes I do wonder whether things would ever work out between us, but if God has already told me that you are the one, then I should believe that He would motivate you to accept Him and make things work out between us. (I know God would not let me be together with a "you" who is not a Christian yet.) Although, if God wills, I hope this will happen soon so I don't have to worry so much.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
"緣份奧妙的牽引 把兩心靠近 即使分千里 情緣從沒變心
歲月可轉變 戀愛的信念 永久都不變 唯有真心" (緣份 - 蔡一傑, 鄭嘉穎, 王馨平)
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I Lied; Not "Love Your Enemies" Yet
Slacked off mostly during the long weekend - yay! I know I should be more productive, but a little slack certainly wouldn't hurt after a dragging long period of hard work starting right at the beginning of the term. Now I have to get back to the working mode.
People from Calgary are starting to ask me when I'm going home for Christmas. I don't really want to tell them since that would I have to get involved with a ton of Christmas ministries, which will completely wipe out my holiday time and mood at home. (Maybe I shouldn't go home at all, since I can actually slack in Vancouver) Not that I don't like to serve; it's just that people from my chruch in Calgary are overly-reliant on me, which gives some sort of phobia and exhaustion. Furthermore, the spiritual atmosphere back there is deteriorating, so I would not prefer to be there. Anyways, I will take things as they go la.
A few days ago I had a strong urge of writing something on "Love Your Enemies", but I haven't found time yet. Now when I finally have time, I've already lost my motivation ... maybe I will write again when I have the mood for it.
After more than a year of waiting, I have a feeling that things might finally turn out well ... I hope I'm not just innocently optimistic. Things have turned around and around so much; I don't even know if I should believe my feelings anymore. I need to be very meticulous about this. Nevertheless, I know God is in control.
God always has His great purpose behind everything. It might mean we have to walk across a very crooked path in order to reach something, but whatever God gets us into, He is there with us to get through it. So trust Him!
People from Calgary are starting to ask me when I'm going home for Christmas. I don't really want to tell them since that would I have to get involved with a ton of Christmas ministries, which will completely wipe out my holiday time and mood at home. (Maybe I shouldn't go home at all, since I can actually slack in Vancouver) Not that I don't like to serve; it's just that people from my chruch in Calgary are overly-reliant on me, which gives some sort of phobia and exhaustion. Furthermore, the spiritual atmosphere back there is deteriorating, so I would not prefer to be there. Anyways, I will take things as they go la.
A few days ago I had a strong urge of writing something on "Love Your Enemies", but I haven't found time yet. Now when I finally have time, I've already lost my motivation ... maybe I will write again when I have the mood for it.
After more than a year of waiting, I have a feeling that things might finally turn out well ... I hope I'm not just innocently optimistic. Things have turned around and around so much; I don't even know if I should believe my feelings anymore. I need to be very meticulous about this. Nevertheless, I know God is in control.
God always has His great purpose behind everything. It might mean we have to walk across a very crooked path in order to reach something, but whatever God gets us into, He is there with us to get through it. So trust Him!
Friday, November 10, 2006
Orchestra Concert and More ...
Just played in orchestra concert tonight. It went quite well. Of course there were a few boo-boos here and there, but overall it was satisfactory. A LOT of my friends came. About half of the college came, even numerous of my church friends came. Wow! And most of them came for me (I'm sure for others as well) ... I am loved! :-) I thank God for being a good friend to people, and I hope to continue testifying Him through my friendships with them.
Now, let's get into the emotional and spiritual issues. I wonder how often people would give up on waiting for God's fulfillment of His promise. Evidence shows it's awfully often, unfortunately, despite how much grace God showers upon them (i.e. Exodus). Usually people would question and challenge God whenever they come across disappointing situations in their lives. They would even give up their faith if God doesn't turn things in their ways. I am undergoing similar situation and I am afraid I might fall into the same trap.
I know God will satisfy His promise upon me (which is ... won't disclose it here). However, sometimes I just feel this satisfaction is so remote, almost to a point where I question God whether this promise is true, because of what I go through. I always know and acknowledge God is faithful and He would not let a promise be in vain, although He allows obstacles to get in the way so to test how true my faith is. I must admit this test has been very hard on me. Like, how is it convincing that God will fulfill His promise, while things are going in the absolute opposite way from where it should be, if the promise is to be satisfied? "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1, ESV) If God hadn't clearly shown me that it was His divine promise, and if He hadn't assured me, in many different ways, that there were hopes, I would have given up already. I do not want to wait for something that is not going to happen eventually.
Lord, I am weak, so please strengthen me. Stengthen my perserverance and faith in You so I can continue to wait. Do not let me underestimate Your power and Your ability to accomplish things. Whatever circumstances You want me to go through, let me be obedient to them. Do not let me question about what You are doing, for You are God and You always have the best purpose of doing something.
"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Deliver me from all my transgressions. Do not make me the scorn of the fool! I am mute; I do not open my mouth, for it is you who have done it." (Psalm 39:7-9, ESV)
In Jesus Christ's Most Holy Name I pray,
Amen.
(Next entry: Love Your Enemies)
Now, let's get into the emotional and spiritual issues. I wonder how often people would give up on waiting for God's fulfillment of His promise. Evidence shows it's awfully often, unfortunately, despite how much grace God showers upon them (i.e. Exodus). Usually people would question and challenge God whenever they come across disappointing situations in their lives. They would even give up their faith if God doesn't turn things in their ways. I am undergoing similar situation and I am afraid I might fall into the same trap.
I know God will satisfy His promise upon me (which is ... won't disclose it here). However, sometimes I just feel this satisfaction is so remote, almost to a point where I question God whether this promise is true, because of what I go through. I always know and acknowledge God is faithful and He would not let a promise be in vain, although He allows obstacles to get in the way so to test how true my faith is. I must admit this test has been very hard on me. Like, how is it convincing that God will fulfill His promise, while things are going in the absolute opposite way from where it should be, if the promise is to be satisfied? "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1, ESV) If God hadn't clearly shown me that it was His divine promise, and if He hadn't assured me, in many different ways, that there were hopes, I would have given up already. I do not want to wait for something that is not going to happen eventually.
Lord, I am weak, so please strengthen me. Stengthen my perserverance and faith in You so I can continue to wait. Do not let me underestimate Your power and Your ability to accomplish things. Whatever circumstances You want me to go through, let me be obedient to them. Do not let me question about what You are doing, for You are God and You always have the best purpose of doing something.
"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. Deliver me from all my transgressions. Do not make me the scorn of the fool! I am mute; I do not open my mouth, for it is you who have done it." (Psalm 39:7-9, ESV)
In Jesus Christ's Most Holy Name I pray,
Amen.
(Next entry: Love Your Enemies)
Thursday, November 09, 2006
I Cooked Today!
Wow, I can't believe I cooked lunch today! I haven't done that for a whole month! (Putting stuff in the microwave doesn't count.) That proves how busy or into my work I have been. I wish I can enjoy cooking more than just once a month. Well, wait until Christmas break la.
Tonight I confirmed piano lesson times with a couple of students (Yes, piano lesson instead of percussion/drum set lesson, can you believe that), which means I will soon resume my private teaching life. A few weeks before I was worried I would not have ANY student this year since no one had called, but I guess God deliberately blocked those people from calling so that I would concentrate utterly on my audition. See, as soon as my audition is done, people start to call - how amazing is that! People call it coincidence; I call it flawless plan and timing from God. I mean, who else could make things fit into places so perfectly other than Him?
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven ..." Ecclestiaste 3:1
God has the best timing in accomplishing His plans, and I can't possibly agree more with it. Thank you Lord Jesus!
Tonight I confirmed piano lesson times with a couple of students (Yes, piano lesson instead of percussion/drum set lesson, can you believe that), which means I will soon resume my private teaching life. A few weeks before I was worried I would not have ANY student this year since no one had called, but I guess God deliberately blocked those people from calling so that I would concentrate utterly on my audition. See, as soon as my audition is done, people start to call - how amazing is that! People call it coincidence; I call it flawless plan and timing from God. I mean, who else could make things fit into places so perfectly other than Him?
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven ..." Ecclestiaste 3:1
God has the best timing in accomplishing His plans, and I can't possibly agree more with it. Thank you Lord Jesus!
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Concert Dates
Speaking of concerts, here are some upcoming concerts I'm performing in:
Nov. 10 8pm (Friday) - UBC Symphony Orchestra @ Chan Centre (Free admission)
Nov. 17 12noon & Nov. 18 8pm (Fri/Sat)- UBC Wind Ensemble @ Chan Centre (Free admission)
Nov. 20 12noon (Monday) - UBC Percussion Ensemble @ Recital Hall, School of Music (Free admission)
Nov. 26 7:30pm (Sunday) - Academy Symphony Orchestra @ Orpheum ($10/6)
Dec. 2 8pm (Saturday) - UBC Symphony Orchestra with UBC Choral Union and University Singers @ Chan Centre ($22/16/12)
Nov. 10 8pm (Friday) - UBC Symphony Orchestra @ Chan Centre (Free admission)
Nov. 17 12noon & Nov. 18 8pm (Fri/Sat)- UBC Wind Ensemble @ Chan Centre (Free admission)
Nov. 20 12noon (Monday) - UBC Percussion Ensemble @ Recital Hall, School of Music (Free admission)
Nov. 26 7:30pm (Sunday) - Academy Symphony Orchestra @ Orpheum ($10/6)
Dec. 2 8pm (Saturday) - UBC Symphony Orchestra with UBC Choral Union and University Singers @ Chan Centre ($22/16/12)
Another One of Those Long School Days
Day after day, week after week, month after month ... (year after year?!?)
This is the Nth day of spending more than 8 hours at school today. So tiring. When I got home for supper, I virtually collapsed. Tomorrow is going to be like that again ... *Sigh* I'm really looking forward to the long weekend since I would finally have some real breather.
Oh no ... I still need to do laundry and dishes ...
Hai~ I shall stop complaining since busyness is the reality of music students. :-P Of course, I try really hard, and will keep trying, to strike a balance between life and school.
Schwantner really sucked today, and I wonder how we are going to pull the concert off next week with this disappointing quality of music.
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13, KJV)
This is the Nth day of spending more than 8 hours at school today. So tiring. When I got home for supper, I virtually collapsed. Tomorrow is going to be like that again ... *Sigh* I'm really looking forward to the long weekend since I would finally have some real breather.
Oh no ... I still need to do laundry and dishes ...
Hai~ I shall stop complaining since busyness is the reality of music students. :-P Of course, I try really hard, and will keep trying, to strike a balance between life and school.
Schwantner really sucked today, and I wonder how we are going to pull the concert off next week with this disappointing quality of music.
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13, KJV)
Monday, November 06, 2006
Feverish!!!
Feverish, quite possibly because I had a real fever last night.
Feverish, because I have performances every weekend until the end of the term.
Feverish, because I am so occupied with my work, which makes me become ignorant of the world.
Either expand my horizons or our territories will never meet. Well, I don't have to MAKE our territories meet. If it is God's desire, it will happen. However, expanding my horizons is a must! I'm making this an obligation!
Sometimes I ask myself: are musicians always quarantined from the world? Or I'm just making myself into one of those figures? When I'm really into something, I don't pay much attention to anything else. Is that a good thing? Can I stay away from that situation?
Okay, I'll stop asking more questions, or else I'll become even more feverish!!!
(P.S. One last thing. Feverish, because it takes such a long time for hotmail (or ... Window Live Mail ... stupid evolution of names) to load now. Their system seems to have "improved", but this improvement actually slows down the loading process. I wish they would just stay in the old way. I shall think about switching my primary e-mail to another one because it's just painstaking to check my e-mails now ... but I love my hotmail address (well, my ID is the same with all others), and I've used it for so many years!!)
Feverish, because I have performances every weekend until the end of the term.
Feverish, because I am so occupied with my work, which makes me become ignorant of the world.
Either expand my horizons or our territories will never meet. Well, I don't have to MAKE our territories meet. If it is God's desire, it will happen. However, expanding my horizons is a must! I'm making this an obligation!
Sometimes I ask myself: are musicians always quarantined from the world? Or I'm just making myself into one of those figures? When I'm really into something, I don't pay much attention to anything else. Is that a good thing? Can I stay away from that situation?
Okay, I'll stop asking more questions, or else I'll become even more feverish!!!
(P.S. One last thing. Feverish, because it takes such a long time for hotmail (or ... Window Live Mail ... stupid evolution of names) to load now. Their system seems to have "improved", but this improvement actually slows down the loading process. I wish they would just stay in the old way. I shall think about switching my primary e-mail to another one because it's just painstaking to check my e-mails now ... but I love my hotmail address (well, my ID is the same with all others), and I've used it for so many years!!)
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Blogging
All right ...
I can't believe I'm doing this ... I'm blogging! Well, writing is just something I really like to do to express my feelings, whether they are good or not. So, every once in a while, you will see me posting something on this site voicing my heart out. I don't know how well I will keep this up, since I'm awfully busy ... and of course I still keep the extreme personal stuff to myself la. Anyways, enough blabbing. Enjoy reading!
I can't believe I'm doing this ... I'm blogging! Well, writing is just something I really like to do to express my feelings, whether they are good or not. So, every once in a while, you will see me posting something on this site voicing my heart out. I don't know how well I will keep this up, since I'm awfully busy ... and of course I still keep the extreme personal stuff to myself la. Anyways, enough blabbing. Enjoy reading!
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