一樁家事﹝二﹞─珍惜眼前人 黃筠詠 Quennie Wong
筆者曾於兩年前撰寫一篇題為《一樁家事》的文章，內容講述我祖父離世前信主的經過。料不到，現在我又要再寫類似的題目，今次是講述我剛離世的祖母。
自從祖父安息主懷之後，祖母的身體開始不大如前。於去年十一月，她被驗出有淋巴癌。她是未信的，所以收到消息時我比較擔心她的屬靈景況。一方面我鼓勵我在卡城信主的親戚﹝包括我弟弟﹞盡快傳福音，但另一方面我又覺得無奈，因為祖母一生都沒有信主，怎能輕易叫她突然相信呢？我只有祈禱交託，心想聖誕節回到卡城才算了。
於聖誕假期我探望過祖母兩次，兩次都是跟父母一起。我本想自己再探她，但我忙於幫助母親的生意，而且父母怕會驚擾祖母，我便打消念頭。第一次探望時她的精神還不錯，可以認出眾人，又可緩慢行動。但個多星期後，即我第二次探望她時，情況就轉壞。因為癌症令她腹痛，她要服用tylenol 3來止痛，但亦令她身體機能衰退，甚至令她神智不清及大小便失禁。當晚我們到她家時，她已開始不能認人，而且痛楚令她身體震動。我很想跟她傳福音，但我真是沒有勇氣，只能默默為她禱告。到我們離開時，我實在感到內疚。幹嘛我那麼懦弱？我跟母親說，希望祖母能支持到一月尾，因為這段時間我要預備暑期青年管弦樂團﹝National Youth Orchestra﹞的面試。但我深知道，一切是由神掌管，人類不能干涉。
於一月十六日的晚上，母親致電問我的面試完畢沒有﹝沒有，因為是在十九日舉行﹞。我知道一定是祖母有事，就叫母親直接說出情形。她說祖母在醫院，需要用氧氣幫助呼吸，而且不大清醒。她非常懇切地叫我就算只回去一天都好，都要盡快回家，因為情況真是不大樂觀。我立即訂購翌晨Air Canada第一班航機回卡城，然後最後一班飛機回溫哥華。今次時間雖比上次更急，但我心裡卻沒有上次的焦慮，只是都有失眠。記得母親於電話中說祖母好像表達一些掛念我的說話，我心想神是特意保留她的生命來讓我回去見她及向她傳福音。
一月十七日清晨一下機以後，只背著一個小背囊的我便與父親趕到醫院探望祖母。可憐的祖母，她的身體被癌細胞折磨到不似人形，完全是「皮包骨」！我望完她一眼後我要立刻轉身，因為我不能忍心看著她悲慘的樣子！過了一會，我走出去會客的地方安靜。我祈求神給予我勇氣去面對於病房裡在死亡邊緣掙扎的祖母，因為拯救靈魂要緊啊！感謝主垂聽禱告，在大概兩個小時以後我終於再次踏進房間去看她。跨過一個挑戰後，另一個又來臨：我的二姑媽在房間裡不斷地為祖母唸佛經。當然，我絕對知道我的神，世上唯一一位真神，是大過人所造出來的所謂「神」，但為了尊重長輩，我只好坐在房間裡默不作聲。有一分鐘的時間，二姑媽出去房間外做事﹝真的只有一分鐘！﹞，我便把握機會走到床邊跟祖母講福音。未及察覺祖母的反應，姑媽便入來。我雖不知道祖母的回應，但我內心卻十分平安。後來我再有一次又是短促的機會跟祖母獨處，我便又跟她講福音。今次我講完後她微張的眼睛即時眨了一眨，而且本來面色蒼白的她亦變得稍為紅潤。別人認為她是稍有好轉﹝都不會是代表她的病情會有甚突破，因為她已到了末期了﹞，但我深信神是引證給我這位小信的知道她已得救了。
下午的時候我回到家中休息。其實最近這段時間我真的心力交瘁，因為我正在預備面試及一月二十八日搬家的事情，而且我還在整頓我教學生的新schedule。在家中的幾個小時我便懶洋洋地躺在沙發上休息，等待要緊急回公司工作的父母。因為我原定是乘當晚最後一班機回溫哥華，所以我們打算在我出發到機場時再到醫院探望暫時情況穩定的祖母。怎料，在當晚大概八時三十分，我們突然收到消息說祖母情況有變，我們便立刻趕回醫院。那天晚上下著大雪，本應不是一個大問題，但就在我們駕車期間，其中一位親戚打了三次電話來催促我們趕快到醫院，因為祖母體溫急劇下降。原本心境平靜的我難免有點焦急，可能祖母在世的時間快要結束了！
神其實也極其眷顧我們一家﹝相信跟我父親是家裡第一位兒子有關﹞。當我們到達醫院一支箭直衝上去病房時，神就是讓我們有最後一次機會跟祖母說話。﹝有些親戚還沒有到﹞我們四人說話以後，她就非常平靜又不動聲息地離開人世。感謝神，她離世時的樣子比我早上探望她時好看，相信她已到了天家與祖父重聚了。
在整日的過程中，我跟幾位已信主的親戚傾談，原來他們都有各自向祖母傳福音。感謝主，我還發現多了幾名親戚信了主。「當信主耶穌，你和你一家都必得救。」﹝徒16:31﹞福音的種子已漸漸在我家中成長了。
當晚我照原定的時間回溫哥華。心情有點忐忑的我在飛機上不停反覆思想人生的方向：我很想發展音樂事業，但家裡還有很大的屬靈禾場，我怎能忍心撇棄家人隻身往外發展呢？事業固然重要，但家人的屬靈狀況更加重要！我依然希望終有一天我可以跟父母及弟弟一起上教會！求神幫助我、引導我。
Saturday, January 26, 2008
家事輯錄﹝一﹞
人生總會經歷生離死別，我亦不例外。我的祖父母在先後兩年相繼去世，我亦將他們臨終前信主的經過寫成文章，在這裡與大家分享。
一樁家事 黃筠詠 Quennie Wong
在二月十六日的早上，我收到我表姊家媚的電郵及母親的電話留言，說爺爺跌倒被送入醫院，情況危殆。其實在此之前幾星期他已經跌倒過一次；我擔心得很，便趕快致電去正在工作的母親去了解情形，並跟她說若然要我回去卡城我一定會不顧一切地回去。通話之後，我又立刻致電給張牧師並發電郵給城西堂的一些弟兄姊妹及我溫哥華團契的團友，叫他們為我爺爺禱告。
那天整天就好像一場惡夢一樣。一方面我真是十分擔心我爺爺，因為他未信主；雖然我一直求神快點差派天使去向他傳福音，亦相信神會給他機會去悔改，但那時我的信心是完全被拋諸腦後。另一方面，我最近學業的負擔越來越重，就算我內心很痛苦我也要強逼自己應付功課。當日我到我好友房間訴苦時，我憂傷到不能作聲。晚上，我分別跟母親及家媚通電話。母親說到第二日早上進一步了解爺爺的情形後才討論要不要我回去卡城，而家媚則說我應盡快回去，因為恐怕時間真是不多，而且家人不大喜歡傳道人去探望，傳福音的工作就落在我們幾個信主的孫兒們了。
經過一個難眠的夜晚後，於二月十七日早上，我又再致電給母親。她囑咐我，倘若我可以的話，便訂購即晚的機票回去卡城。感謝神，我於West Jet訂購到一些價錢不太昂貴的機票。之後，我便立即將我當晚在團契的事奉交託給人，又將我的情況告訴我的教授們，又囑咐我宿舍內的好友好好地照顧將要來溫哥華探望我的朋友。一輪的交代後便是收拾房間及行李，然後傍晚時便出發到機場。踏入機場check in時我感到一份前所未有的孤獨。雖然我知道弟兄姊妹們都為我們禱告，我亦知道神會托住我，但那時我的感覺便是我好像自己一個人去打仗般─除了要與時間作戰外，還要與魔鬼作戰！而且我有點覺得我身負重任啊！
在飛機上，我倦極而睡，但我的心還是很亂。當晚零晨十二時左右，我終於到了卡城。我本想提出立即去醫院探望爺爺，因為家媚曾多次致電問我會否一下機便到那裡，又告訴我爺爺見到一些邪靈；但父母親都沒有此意﹝因為他們說當日爺爺很清醒，可以輕鬆一點。但這是中國人所謂的「迴光反照」﹞，就算了吧。而且，我聽到聖靈說神的時間未到，那我便回家，想著好好睡一頓才說。
二月十八日清晨六時，即我下機六小時之後，母親突然間大聲叫我和弟弟翊銘起床，因為爺爺的情況急轉直下。我二話不說就衝到洗手間刷牙洗臉。當我刷牙時，我又聽到聖靈說：「是時候了！你要見證主！」梳洗過後，我立刻跪下禱告，求神給我聰明智慧去見證祂，並告知翊銘又致電家媚囑咐他們要有心理準備去傳福音。去到醫院見到爺爺瘦骨嶙峋，又呼吸困難不大清醒的樣子，我的心快要跌下來了！家媚到達醫院後，我跟她、翊銘及表妹天蕙便立刻召開祈禱會，求神引領。我亦致電勁揚弟兄吩咐他呼籲星期六詩班為我們禱告。
擾攘了一段時間後，房間裡就只剩我、翊銘及家媚三人，我們便把握機會去向爺爺傳福音。因為我們都沒有向垂死的病人傳福音的經驗，我們只好不斷地用僅有的中文不停地說，希望會有反應。當我第一次向他呼召時，我問：「爺爺，你會否願意接受主耶穌基督？若然你願意，就不要皺著眉頭了。﹝那時他很痛苦﹞」我們察覺到他的眉頭果然放鬆了。然後，我們多問他幾次是否真的接受主，他都有些微反應─感謝主！就在那刻，我父親就進來囑咐我們不要在嫲嫲面前說基督教的東西，以及告知我們喪禮會用佛教儀式舉行﹝說真的，那時大家都知道爺爺不會在世上久留的了﹞。那一刻，我、翊銘及家媚三人也覺得只要爺爺接受主，其他一切都不重要了！
大概十時左右，我表兄德全帶同表嫂頌恩、她母親莊師母及表侄心悅來到探望。我們三人便將爺爺信主的過程告知莊師母，她又在眾人面前為他作決志禱告。我真佩服莊師母可以在我一班未信主的親戚面前大聲宣講神的話！
下午跟翊銘吃過午餐，又交談一輪近況以後，我們又回去病房守候。其實當時也沒有甚麼擔心的，只是希望爺爺能支持到我在香港的大姑媽，即家媚的母親，趕到卡城來看看他﹝但神並沒有成就這事﹞。由於幾晚沒有好好睡過，我已經累透了。但在這段時間，又怎能放鬆下來休息呢？我只能時而站在病床邊，時而到會客室坐坐，或時而跟別人通電話交代情形。接近傍晚時分，靠著嗎啡來止痛的爺爺痛得很厲害，不斷呻吟，但我們都覺得如果再注射重量嗎啡的話，會加速他的死亡，所以我們只能用言語安慰他。就在那時，我有一個感動去唱詩歌給爺爺聽，於是我就默禱求神賜予力量，然後就開聲唱，家媚則站在我旁。我一直地唱了接近半小時，那時全間病房也很平靜；母親在房內小睡，父親則在房外坐著聽著。真的感謝主，半小時來沒有人阻止我，爺爺都沒有呻吟，而且他樣子純如綿羊。我為爺爺作了一個禱告，之後醫生為他作檢查，我亦停止了我的聲音。醫生說若然見到他咀唇或指甲變藍，便即是說他隨時會離開世界。聽見醫生的說話以後，我和家人便決定首先回家梳洗及吃晚飯，然後再回來守候。
跟家人吃晚飯的時候，可能已經有一段時間沒有一起吃飯，而且又疲累，大家都只顧談話不願吃飯。飯吃到一半，四姑丈致電父親手機說爺爺指甲變藍。我們全部人都「劈低碗筷」，然後結帳趕去醫院。去到醫院時，見到爺爺呼吸短促又相隔很長的情形，我相信他在的時間真的不久了。但眾人都很想他多支撐一會，便不斷跟他說話來刺激他生存意志。到晚上十一時多，護士到來幫他量血壓，但他的血壓已經低到不能再量度，我們全個家族便把握最後機會跟爺爺說最後的說話。終於，於二零零六年二月十八日十一時三十分，爺爺便安息主懷。他離世那一刻很像一個小孩毫無憂慮地入睡，我深知道主真的接了他回天家了。
他去世時我哭得很厲害，但這是喜樂的眼淚，因為今次屬靈的戰爭我們贏了！感謝主！祂行事真是不可測度！這次經歷使我再次體驗到祈禱的力量，及向家人傳福音的迫切性。其實我一直掛念家人的屬靈景況，但我卻從來沒有勇氣向他們傳福音。今次的經歷可以說是一個好開始。弟兄姊妹，若然你家裡有人未信主，就快快為他們禱告，及把握機會向他們傳福音吧！因為拯救失喪的靈魂是不能等的！
最後，我很感謝所有幫助過我們及為我們禱告的肢體及朋友，無論是在溫哥華或是在卡城的；願主賜福你們。
一樁家事 黃筠詠 Quennie Wong
在二月十六日的早上，我收到我表姊家媚的電郵及母親的電話留言，說爺爺跌倒被送入醫院，情況危殆。其實在此之前幾星期他已經跌倒過一次；我擔心得很，便趕快致電去正在工作的母親去了解情形，並跟她說若然要我回去卡城我一定會不顧一切地回去。通話之後，我又立刻致電給張牧師並發電郵給城西堂的一些弟兄姊妹及我溫哥華團契的團友，叫他們為我爺爺禱告。
那天整天就好像一場惡夢一樣。一方面我真是十分擔心我爺爺，因為他未信主；雖然我一直求神快點差派天使去向他傳福音，亦相信神會給他機會去悔改，但那時我的信心是完全被拋諸腦後。另一方面，我最近學業的負擔越來越重，就算我內心很痛苦我也要強逼自己應付功課。當日我到我好友房間訴苦時，我憂傷到不能作聲。晚上，我分別跟母親及家媚通電話。母親說到第二日早上進一步了解爺爺的情形後才討論要不要我回去卡城，而家媚則說我應盡快回去，因為恐怕時間真是不多，而且家人不大喜歡傳道人去探望，傳福音的工作就落在我們幾個信主的孫兒們了。
經過一個難眠的夜晚後，於二月十七日早上，我又再致電給母親。她囑咐我，倘若我可以的話，便訂購即晚的機票回去卡城。感謝神，我於West Jet訂購到一些價錢不太昂貴的機票。之後，我便立即將我當晚在團契的事奉交託給人，又將我的情況告訴我的教授們，又囑咐我宿舍內的好友好好地照顧將要來溫哥華探望我的朋友。一輪的交代後便是收拾房間及行李，然後傍晚時便出發到機場。踏入機場check in時我感到一份前所未有的孤獨。雖然我知道弟兄姊妹們都為我們禱告，我亦知道神會托住我，但那時我的感覺便是我好像自己一個人去打仗般─除了要與時間作戰外，還要與魔鬼作戰！而且我有點覺得我身負重任啊！
在飛機上，我倦極而睡，但我的心還是很亂。當晚零晨十二時左右，我終於到了卡城。我本想提出立即去醫院探望爺爺，因為家媚曾多次致電問我會否一下機便到那裡，又告訴我爺爺見到一些邪靈；但父母親都沒有此意﹝因為他們說當日爺爺很清醒，可以輕鬆一點。但這是中國人所謂的「迴光反照」﹞，就算了吧。而且，我聽到聖靈說神的時間未到，那我便回家，想著好好睡一頓才說。
二月十八日清晨六時，即我下機六小時之後，母親突然間大聲叫我和弟弟翊銘起床，因為爺爺的情況急轉直下。我二話不說就衝到洗手間刷牙洗臉。當我刷牙時，我又聽到聖靈說：「是時候了！你要見證主！」梳洗過後，我立刻跪下禱告，求神給我聰明智慧去見證祂，並告知翊銘又致電家媚囑咐他們要有心理準備去傳福音。去到醫院見到爺爺瘦骨嶙峋，又呼吸困難不大清醒的樣子，我的心快要跌下來了！家媚到達醫院後，我跟她、翊銘及表妹天蕙便立刻召開祈禱會，求神引領。我亦致電勁揚弟兄吩咐他呼籲星期六詩班為我們禱告。
擾攘了一段時間後，房間裡就只剩我、翊銘及家媚三人，我們便把握機會去向爺爺傳福音。因為我們都沒有向垂死的病人傳福音的經驗，我們只好不斷地用僅有的中文不停地說，希望會有反應。當我第一次向他呼召時，我問：「爺爺，你會否願意接受主耶穌基督？若然你願意，就不要皺著眉頭了。﹝那時他很痛苦﹞」我們察覺到他的眉頭果然放鬆了。然後，我們多問他幾次是否真的接受主，他都有些微反應─感謝主！就在那刻，我父親就進來囑咐我們不要在嫲嫲面前說基督教的東西，以及告知我們喪禮會用佛教儀式舉行﹝說真的，那時大家都知道爺爺不會在世上久留的了﹞。那一刻，我、翊銘及家媚三人也覺得只要爺爺接受主，其他一切都不重要了！
大概十時左右，我表兄德全帶同表嫂頌恩、她母親莊師母及表侄心悅來到探望。我們三人便將爺爺信主的過程告知莊師母，她又在眾人面前為他作決志禱告。我真佩服莊師母可以在我一班未信主的親戚面前大聲宣講神的話！
下午跟翊銘吃過午餐，又交談一輪近況以後，我們又回去病房守候。其實當時也沒有甚麼擔心的，只是希望爺爺能支持到我在香港的大姑媽，即家媚的母親，趕到卡城來看看他﹝但神並沒有成就這事﹞。由於幾晚沒有好好睡過，我已經累透了。但在這段時間，又怎能放鬆下來休息呢？我只能時而站在病床邊，時而到會客室坐坐，或時而跟別人通電話交代情形。接近傍晚時分，靠著嗎啡來止痛的爺爺痛得很厲害，不斷呻吟，但我們都覺得如果再注射重量嗎啡的話，會加速他的死亡，所以我們只能用言語安慰他。就在那時，我有一個感動去唱詩歌給爺爺聽，於是我就默禱求神賜予力量，然後就開聲唱，家媚則站在我旁。我一直地唱了接近半小時，那時全間病房也很平靜；母親在房內小睡，父親則在房外坐著聽著。真的感謝主，半小時來沒有人阻止我，爺爺都沒有呻吟，而且他樣子純如綿羊。我為爺爺作了一個禱告，之後醫生為他作檢查，我亦停止了我的聲音。醫生說若然見到他咀唇或指甲變藍，便即是說他隨時會離開世界。聽見醫生的說話以後，我和家人便決定首先回家梳洗及吃晚飯，然後再回來守候。
跟家人吃晚飯的時候，可能已經有一段時間沒有一起吃飯，而且又疲累，大家都只顧談話不願吃飯。飯吃到一半，四姑丈致電父親手機說爺爺指甲變藍。我們全部人都「劈低碗筷」，然後結帳趕去醫院。去到醫院時，見到爺爺呼吸短促又相隔很長的情形，我相信他在的時間真的不久了。但眾人都很想他多支撐一會，便不斷跟他說話來刺激他生存意志。到晚上十一時多，護士到來幫他量血壓，但他的血壓已經低到不能再量度，我們全個家族便把握最後機會跟爺爺說最後的說話。終於，於二零零六年二月十八日十一時三十分，爺爺便安息主懷。他離世那一刻很像一個小孩毫無憂慮地入睡，我深知道主真的接了他回天家了。
他去世時我哭得很厲害，但這是喜樂的眼淚，因為今次屬靈的戰爭我們贏了！感謝主！祂行事真是不可測度！這次經歷使我再次體驗到祈禱的力量，及向家人傳福音的迫切性。其實我一直掛念家人的屬靈景況，但我卻從來沒有勇氣向他們傳福音。今次的經歷可以說是一個好開始。弟兄姊妹，若然你家裡有人未信主，就快快為他們禱告，及把握機會向他們傳福音吧！因為拯救失喪的靈魂是不能等的！
最後，我很感謝所有幫助過我們及為我們禱告的肢體及朋友，無論是在溫哥華或是在卡城的；願主賜福你們。
心力交瘁
After going through all the things this past week and a bit, I can totally grasp the meaning of心力交瘁 (physically and mentally spent). Too many things (and big things too) have happened, and too many things I need to deal with. I was preparing to record an audition and then a performance afterwards, and I was packing for move-out. It has already been quite a busy period of time for me … But unexpectedly, I had to travel twice to Calgary for family matters in the midst of these events. You know when sudden things happen like this, I have to rearrange many things. Well, I guess if I decided not to care about them, I would be more care free; but I am normally a responsible person, so if I don’t take care of those matters, I would actually feel guilty. And I would rather be stressful than be guilty.
The most pathetic thing is, there are little things that keep my responsibilities from being fulfilled. That makes me even more frustrated. You know, those things don’t necessary have to happen. But I guess if I could handle my responsibilities a little better and didn’t make any mistake at all (like not even a hint), then none of these would happen.
Rather than being frustrated over these little flaws though, I think I really should just rely on God’s grace to finish my responsibilities. None of us is flawless and we always make mistakes. Not that we shouldn’t correct them, but we shouldn’t be obsessed with them. It’s okay to be a perfectionist. We just need to move on from our wrongs and do better next time. However, if we are all perfect, then we don’t have room for God, which is the saddest thing in life! I’d much rather have God than myself!
Before I wrote this entry, I was so tired that I wish I would just have a week off now and be away from Vancouver/Calgary (since if I stay in either of those places I would be very busy with all sorts of things). Or I wish I would be sick right now so I’m forced to take days off (but sadly I don’t think I could take much rest because of my schedule and my personality). But after some writing, I feel much better. Thanks, Lord Jesus, for Your comfort and strength.
The most pathetic thing is, there are little things that keep my responsibilities from being fulfilled. That makes me even more frustrated. You know, those things don’t necessary have to happen. But I guess if I could handle my responsibilities a little better and didn’t make any mistake at all (like not even a hint), then none of these would happen.
Rather than being frustrated over these little flaws though, I think I really should just rely on God’s grace to finish my responsibilities. None of us is flawless and we always make mistakes. Not that we shouldn’t correct them, but we shouldn’t be obsessed with them. It’s okay to be a perfectionist. We just need to move on from our wrongs and do better next time. However, if we are all perfect, then we don’t have room for God, which is the saddest thing in life! I’d much rather have God than myself!
Before I wrote this entry, I was so tired that I wish I would just have a week off now and be away from Vancouver/Calgary (since if I stay in either of those places I would be very busy with all sorts of things). Or I wish I would be sick right now so I’m forced to take days off (but sadly I don’t think I could take much rest because of my schedule and my personality). But after some writing, I feel much better. Thanks, Lord Jesus, for Your comfort and strength.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
New Year, New Challenge
First of all, welcome myself to the quarter-century club.
Year 2007 passed in a blink of an eye. I must say, too many things happened last year. Well, I say that every year, but I find that year 2007 was just so busy, yet so life-changing.
I decided to go back to school in September at the beginning of last year. I've always thought after my master's degree I'm going to quit school for a while to work, to first pay back my student loan, and to make a first step to my "real" adulthood. But I find that with my qualities at the moment, I probably won't find a job of my ideals, so I decided to get an upgrade.
I finished my master's degree at the end of April. Boy wasn't that hard to finish. I was truly happy that I finished my degree. Now I get back to school, though, my attitudes are different. Realizing the reality and where I am at, I cannot be so simple-minded anymore. I must say this term has drawn me into depression because of my perfectionism. But thank God I'm able to step out of this difficult situation and I shall approach my upgrade with a new and rejuvenescent attitude.
I became my fellowship's president in year 2007. I went through quite some struggles before I agreed to take this post. Humorously speaking, around 8 years ago, when I thought I was totally capable of being my fellowship's president, I didn't become one. Only when I completely forgot about the idea God made me one. God took 8 years to shape me, which is a long time in modern terms (but short comparing to Moses). Anyhow, I was thankful to have taken this post, for it pushed me to make good connections with brothers and sisters in Christ. Actually that was my only vision.
My church went through a lot of changes and restructuring in the past year. I'm happy to be part of it. Actually I became a member of VCAC in December. This is a new landmark of my ministries in VCAC.
I'm finally able to completely rely on God in my love issues. It's not so important to feel attached to a guy all the time; in fact, it's a huge relief that I can let it go and wait for God's preparation. And for that very reason, I reconciled with a good friend of mine who used to be my love rival. I also reconciled with another friend whom I had misunderstanding with for a long time. After these two incidents, I truly believe it is very important to maintain affability with your friends. You never know how much hurt it can do you if you don't maintain a good friendship with them.
I decided to move out in February. It's a rather spontaneous decision. I always plan things way ahead and stick with them. But I'm starting to feel lonely in my dorm, and am longing for family support, so I'm going to move to my church friend's house.
My grandma is having cancer. Kind of unbelievable. Anyhow, not a convenient location to share her condition. My only concern is that she is still a non-Christian.
Anyhow, in the new year, I would continue to study hard. My parents are going to support me financially unconditionally, so there is no excuse for me not to work hard. Besides, I hope to continue to pursue a life of holiness. I discover many of my friends in Christ, even myself, are going through many moments of weakness. If we don't hold on to God, we will fall hard, and it will cause us a lot of regret. So no matter what happens, don't lose faith in God!
挑戰
曲、詞：黃筠詠 (c) April 21, 2001
進退兩難 在困境中闖盪
滿是悲傷失望 黑暗之中徬徨
試問誰能知道我心裡的難過
惟主基督能洗去我臉上淚行
跌進困難 沒法清楚正路
不懂跟主腳步 只去偏走誤途
試問誰能清楚這問題的對錯
惟主基督無所不知 懂去解釋因果
此刻碰著我 是魔鬼的引誘
要佔據我的心 要令我不清楚
主 讓我屈膝禱告去傾訴哀怨
願你進我心扉去醫治痛苦傷口
奉獻一生作活祭 受帶領奔向光輝
願你的心意彰顯在我跟前
背棄我神 沒法謙卑順服
迷於今生驕傲 失去清高態度
盡全力去掩蓋我深重的罪過
但主基督永不容許誠實忠貞被攻破
痛快沉淪 代價必需背負
接受鞭打屈辱 奔走崎嶇窄路
我困倦 我傷透 疲乏缺力完全不可奮
求主賜我 屬天恩典 使我得氣力承擔這痛楚
此刻我面對與魔鬼的戰鬥
我決不會放低 對基督的信心
主 讓我勝過挑戰至不會死去
願你掌管一切 叫公義徹底彰顯
願再信靠愛慕你 永遠也不會捨棄
榮耀的冠冕 將要為我存留
由黑暗變白晝
在希望中心底必要充滿歡樂
在困苦危險中更加要忍耐
是你憐憫關心 愛眷無限的真
令我信念堅守不變
決意不會向魔鬼屈膝
願靠著主基督 來奔向永生去
Year 2007 passed in a blink of an eye. I must say, too many things happened last year. Well, I say that every year, but I find that year 2007 was just so busy, yet so life-changing.
I decided to go back to school in September at the beginning of last year. I've always thought after my master's degree I'm going to quit school for a while to work, to first pay back my student loan, and to make a first step to my "real" adulthood. But I find that with my qualities at the moment, I probably won't find a job of my ideals, so I decided to get an upgrade.
I finished my master's degree at the end of April. Boy wasn't that hard to finish. I was truly happy that I finished my degree. Now I get back to school, though, my attitudes are different. Realizing the reality and where I am at, I cannot be so simple-minded anymore. I must say this term has drawn me into depression because of my perfectionism. But thank God I'm able to step out of this difficult situation and I shall approach my upgrade with a new and rejuvenescent attitude.
I became my fellowship's president in year 2007. I went through quite some struggles before I agreed to take this post. Humorously speaking, around 8 years ago, when I thought I was totally capable of being my fellowship's president, I didn't become one. Only when I completely forgot about the idea God made me one. God took 8 years to shape me, which is a long time in modern terms (but short comparing to Moses). Anyhow, I was thankful to have taken this post, for it pushed me to make good connections with brothers and sisters in Christ. Actually that was my only vision.
My church went through a lot of changes and restructuring in the past year. I'm happy to be part of it. Actually I became a member of VCAC in December. This is a new landmark of my ministries in VCAC.
I'm finally able to completely rely on God in my love issues. It's not so important to feel attached to a guy all the time; in fact, it's a huge relief that I can let it go and wait for God's preparation. And for that very reason, I reconciled with a good friend of mine who used to be my love rival. I also reconciled with another friend whom I had misunderstanding with for a long time. After these two incidents, I truly believe it is very important to maintain affability with your friends. You never know how much hurt it can do you if you don't maintain a good friendship with them.
I decided to move out in February. It's a rather spontaneous decision. I always plan things way ahead and stick with them. But I'm starting to feel lonely in my dorm, and am longing for family support, so I'm going to move to my church friend's house.
My grandma is having cancer. Kind of unbelievable. Anyhow, not a convenient location to share her condition. My only concern is that she is still a non-Christian.
Anyhow, in the new year, I would continue to study hard. My parents are going to support me financially unconditionally, so there is no excuse for me not to work hard. Besides, I hope to continue to pursue a life of holiness. I discover many of my friends in Christ, even myself, are going through many moments of weakness. If we don't hold on to God, we will fall hard, and it will cause us a lot of regret. So no matter what happens, don't lose faith in God!
挑戰
曲、詞：黃筠詠 (c) April 21, 2001
進退兩難 在困境中闖盪
滿是悲傷失望 黑暗之中徬徨
試問誰能知道我心裡的難過
惟主基督能洗去我臉上淚行
跌進困難 沒法清楚正路
不懂跟主腳步 只去偏走誤途
試問誰能清楚這問題的對錯
惟主基督無所不知 懂去解釋因果
此刻碰著我 是魔鬼的引誘
要佔據我的心 要令我不清楚
主 讓我屈膝禱告去傾訴哀怨
願你進我心扉去醫治痛苦傷口
奉獻一生作活祭 受帶領奔向光輝
願你的心意彰顯在我跟前
背棄我神 沒法謙卑順服
迷於今生驕傲 失去清高態度
盡全力去掩蓋我深重的罪過
但主基督永不容許誠實忠貞被攻破
痛快沉淪 代價必需背負
接受鞭打屈辱 奔走崎嶇窄路
我困倦 我傷透 疲乏缺力完全不可奮
求主賜我 屬天恩典 使我得氣力承擔這痛楚
此刻我面對與魔鬼的戰鬥
我決不會放低 對基督的信心
主 讓我勝過挑戰至不會死去
願你掌管一切 叫公義徹底彰顯
願再信靠愛慕你 永遠也不會捨棄
榮耀的冠冕 將要為我存留
由黑暗變白晝
在希望中心底必要充滿歡樂
在困苦危險中更加要忍耐
是你憐憫關心 愛眷無限的真
令我信念堅守不變
決意不會向魔鬼屈膝
願靠著主基督 來奔向永生去
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